Who Is She
Happy
Gay
Enthusiastic
Optimistic
She is a lightening beam
Her own liturgy
I can only dream
So full.of energy
Why is she alone
No one has claimed her
She is not owned
By a mister or sir
Probably her choice
She is strong
With her own voice
She knows right from wrong
She wants a companion
Just like me
Who will not abandon
An attentive attendee
To life
To grief
To celebration
To sorrow
She wants comfort
So do I
She want to be unhurt
And not cry
She wants gaiety
She wants merriment
She wants playfulness
She wants levity
We all want this
We do much research
Along with a kiss
And we search and search
Giving up hope
This person will never be found
And I am no dope
To catch someone on the rebound
Please God give me a chance
To find love and contentment
Along with romance
And adornment”
Tag: Living
Shift
Shift
Left to right
Forward and back
Dark to bright
Run to tack
There are many ways to go
And I must change
Do not go with the flow
I must turn the page
Leave Jackson
Do not be shocked
Viking or saxon
Not land locked
A new journey
Sailing away
Leaving absurdity
A new sunset everyday
My intent
My want
My plan
My desire
At sixty not too late
To transition
A new journey and fate
A grand ambition
But wait
Who is this girl
That I went on a date
Her hair has so much curl
I am smitten
By her beauty and enthusiasm
Maybe sailing is not written
She has to be an addendum
My plan b has crumpled
Moving to plan c
My arrogance humbled
I now can see
I want her in my life
And she makes me laugh
With no crazy strife
I want to be her better half
In this moment
In this time
In this minute
In this space
I will pursue her
Wanting to know if she is real
Not some imaginary blur
And my feelings are real
Sailing will be there
But I can not let this pass
I am chasing that wild hair
And this charming lass
There is so much opportunity
There is so much promise
There is so much compassion
There is so much expectation
Go all in
Do not miss the chance
I can only laugh and grin
A sailboat can not kiss or dance
My Old Friend
I missed you
My good friend
We can share a pew
And transcend
Transcend my feelings
My feelings of obscurity
In all routine dealings
Reducing my security
Fall left to right
Shift backwards
The sun so bright
Unable to say words
Where do you hide
In the summertime
Where do you reside
Rushing back time after time
To disrupt my life
Bewitching me
Causing such strife
Not letting me flee
Fleeing the troubles
Fleeing the nuisance
Fleeing the intangibles
Fleeing the assurance
Assurances of stability
Assurances of normality
Assurances of survivability
Assurances of congeniality
I become tired
I become annoyed
I become angered
I become destroyed
Hard to accept
This reoccurring crap
Not well kept
In this sinister trap
Trap of denial
Trap of betrayal
Trap of carnal
Trap of abnormal
This is not just
Give me relief
Can you adjust
And reduce your grief
You must
No other choice
Or you will rust
And lose your voice
Stay steady
Bulk up
Reduce your anxiety
Accept your cup
Amitriptyline
Amitriptyline
Wow! Amitriptyline has reduced my symptoms by 99 percent. Good news, but the bad news it has diminished my ability to write, read, and concentrate by 100 percent. I am sleeping ten hours per day, and I am drugged up 3 hours per day. What a trade-off. Do you accept very few if any symptoms with limited to no reading and writing, or do you accept symptoms all day every day, but you can read and write?
On Amitriptyline, I am not falling backward, losing words, closing my eyes, wobbling left to right, less edgy, or unable to think, concentrate, or execute. I am more tolerable with fewer outbursts of emotions—definitely pluses and minuses there. I appear normal, just slower. I am not able to read, write, or read and perform plans like simple instructions. I am sleeping for eight to ten hours until eight in the morning, and I am drugged up 2 to 3 hours. I am very slow, and I do not have as much energy. I have not walked since I took medicine. I have no desire to walk. On Amitriptyline, I am not me. I am someone else.
I stopped taking Amitriptyline to see what would happen three days ago. Today, I can read, write, and I read directions on how to set up an SUV Tent. I am sleeping six to eight hours getting up at six in the morning feeling alive and not drugged up. I want to walk, and I did walk this morning. I wrote three simple blogs about COVID-19, camping, and Amitriptyline. I am edgier but excited about life. I am very enthusiastic about life. At the same time, all my symptoms have returned – falling backward, wobbling, neck hurting, closing eyes, overwhelmed, lost words, cannot express myself, and underattack at times where I can not think or concentrate. These attacks last a few minutes and go away. I am less able to control my filters and to contain myself. This is important to try to live with people and to be sociable.
I will have to decide. What kind of life do I want to live? What will be my quality of life? What type of relationships do I want to have since Amitirptyline makes a difference in my emotional temperament?
I am sharing this because I have realized that people go through so many things in their lives that you may never know or understand. How one drug can change your life for the better but make you into someone who you are not or who you may not want to be.
I want prayers to make the right decisions on how to pursue my life. My problems are not life-threatening or a death sentence—a considerable inconvenience to living life normally. Do I change my personality on the drug to eliminate my unusual symptoms or live the best I can with the symptoms and keep being me?
Leave me a prayer or give me some feedback.
No Fun
Where has the fun gone?
Where has the fun gone this year? No football, no concerts, no shopping, and no movies. We sit at home, and we see a different life—a life of sitting on the computer arguing politics or religion, binge-watching television programs, eating more and more food. We get out for errands, but we do not get out to enjoy life.
I miss visiting town centers where you can hear music or wander into coffee shops, bookstores, thrift stores, or antique stores. I am scared to venture out into crowds or unknown places or crowds of any size. I am not afraid for me, but for my loved ones who have underlying conditions where they might not survive the COVID-19 virus. I do not want to be the one who drags the virus back to them because I am selfish.
I know there are things that I can do when I go out not to bring the virus back to my loved ones, and here are a few suggestions.
- Wear a mask. Yes and No? Does wearing a mask help? There is so much debate. I wear my mask everywhere I go including when I exercise. If you are going to exercise, then wearing a mask makes it harder to breathe, but it is making your body work harder. The point of the exercise is to work your body harder. Why not wear a mask and work your body harder?
- I stay away from crowds, especially people I do not know. I am not talking about social distancing but much more. I shy away from groups of people. I do not get around crowds either walking around them or high tailing it through them as quickly as possible. I am not friendly, not trying to meet new people or create new friendships. I do not want prolonged conversations with people I do not know. I do not know how they act concerning protecting themselves from the virus. I do not want to take the risk.
- I stay away from friends and family members who do not protect themselves from the virus. They do not wear their masks; they go shopping and out to dinner, and they do not have loved ones who might be susceptible to COVID-19. I avoid these people because they are taking too many risks.
I have ventured to the beach, and I have done these three things, and it has reduced my risk and my anxiety. I do not want to be the guy who infected his family with the COVID-19 virus. Doing these three things has not increased my fun this year, but it has protected my loved ones and me.
I wonder what to do this fall with no concerts or football games? What are you doing to have fun this fall?