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My Old Friend

I missed you
My good friend
We can share a pew
And transcend

Transcend my feelings
My feelings of obscurity
In all routine dealings
Reducing my security

Fall left to right
Shift backwards
The sun so bright
Unable to say words

Where do you hide
In the summertime
Where do you reside
Rushing back time after time

To disrupt my life
Bewitching me
Causing such strife
Not letting me flee

Fleeing the troubles
Fleeing the nuisance
Fleeing the intangibles
Fleeing the assurance

Assurances of stability
Assurances of normality
Assurances of survivability
Assurances of congeniality

I become tired
I become annoyed
I become angered
I become destroyed

Hard to accept
This reoccurring crap
Not well kept
In this sinister trap

Trap of denial
Trap of betrayal
Trap of carnal
Trap of abnormal

This is not just
Give me relief
Can you adjust
And reduce your grief

You must
No other choice
Or you will rust
And lose your voice

Stay steady
Bulk up
Reduce your anxiety
Accept your cup

Over Stimulation

Over Stimulation

I heard this word a bunch with Dr. Andrews. I knew what it meant, but I needed to make sure that I understood what Dr. Andrews was talking about in regards to my disorder – Functional Neurological Disorder (FND).

According to the Learners Dictionary, over stimulation is to cause (someone or something) to become too active or excited: to stimulate (someone or something) too much.

What was overstimulating for me? Really, there are so many things which can cause me to get active or excited:

  • Pretty Girl (Smart Girl)
  • Smart Girl’s child
  • Playing with children
  • Laughter
  • My kids
  • Good book
  • Bicycling
  • Yoga
  • Playing in pool
  • Going to beach
  • Good sermon
  • Share the gospel
  • Checklist
  • Meet new people
  • Concerts
  • Yardwork
  • Work
  • Running a business
  • Accomplishment
  • Life
  • Travel

The list can go on and on, but the definition mentions “too” or “too much.” Do all these things over stimulate me?

I have always been excitable and active. I could handle many things at one time. I could juggle many activities. I liked to move, to do, to progress, to succeed, and to accomplish. I had a checklist, and I wanted to check things off my list. I felt  good when I make that checkmark

Once again, checking a checklist is not going to make me so overstimulated that I can not function, or I lose control. Or can it?

According to Dr. Andrews, it is not the checklist; it is the activities or the consequences of overdoing the activities. If I do too much, then it can overstimulate me and shut me down, especially if I am fatigued or experiencing slight episodes of the disorder. My triggers can activate, and they can be much worse.

What triggers FND?

  • Fatigue
  • Stress
  • Complicated problems
  • Doing too many things at one time
  • Work to long
  • Work too hard
  • Unreal expectations
  • Unsolvable problems
  • Irritants
  • Controversy
  • Pain
  • Illness
  • Disagreements
  • Arguments

What over stimulants trigger me?

  • Sunlight
  • Pain
  • Disagreements
  • Complicated Instructions
  • Tired
  • Stress – mental, physical, emotional
  • Negotiations
  • Complicated and long verbal conversations
  • Long-drawn out stories
  • Overindulge in exercise or work
  • Unnecessary questions
  • Lies
  • Selective memories
  • Illogical jibberish

How do you live in society if these things overstimulate you where you shut down or go into a rage?

  • Learn triggers
  • Reduce triggers
  • Avoid triggers
  • Simplify life
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Stop doing too much
  • Learn how to rest triggers
  • Quit judging
  • Learn CBT
  • Learn DBT
  • Be grateful
  • Get back on Amitriptyline which has worked the best over last six years

Yes, I think some of what I write is redundant. I need to get a better grip on what is happening to me and how I need to proceed.

Does anyone know who teaches Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? West Tennessee, Memphis, or Nashville?