Shift
Left to right
Forward and back
Dark to bright
Run to tack
There are many ways to go
And I must change
Do not go with the flow
I must turn the page
Leave Jackson
Do not be shocked
Viking or saxon
Not land locked
A new journey
Sailing away
Leaving absurdity
A new sunset everyday
My intent
My want
My plan
My desire
At sixty not too late
To transition
A new journey and fate
A grand ambition
But wait
Who is this girl
That I went on a date
Her hair has so much curl
I am smitten
By her beauty and enthusiasm
Maybe sailing is not written
She has to be an addendum
My plan b has crumpled
Moving to plan c
My arrogance humbled
I now can see
I want her in my life
And she makes me laugh
With no crazy strife
I want to be her better half
In this moment
In this time
In this minute
In this space
I will pursue her
Wanting to know if she is real
Not some imaginary blur
And my feelings are real
Sailing will be there
But I can not let this pass
I am chasing that wild hair
And this charming lass
There is so much opportunity
There is so much promise
There is so much compassion
There is so much expectation
Go all in
Do not miss the chance
I can only laugh and grin
A sailboat can not kiss or dance
Tag: Reset
The Drug
The Drug Amitriptyline Is my drug Not really crystalline I think like a slug So very very dragging So very very hampered So very very lagging So very very hammered I can not think I can not write I can not read I can not understand I can walk I can talk I can exercise I can drive A trade off Lose the crazy woes Do not unbelieve or scoff Or live in the shadows Easier to be alone Easier to hideaway Easier to be my own Easier to live that way Live in solitary Or to fight the darkness I am my adversary What a starkness To live in society Amitriptyline is required To end anxiety A new life is desired Slow with limited derailments Sleep too much Drugged but no aliments Amitriptyline is a crutch Last time 10 mg Then 20 and 30 mg Then 40 to 70 mg All the way to 80 mg In the end It began shirking No more dividends And it quit working Better for awhile To have some assistance A pleasant smile And a healthy existence
Checklist
Checklist I have had one forever Once it is on the list A grand endeavor Not to be missed Get it done Can be transposable Not always fun Quick as possible Which one first Which one second Which one makes a difference Which one is important From A1 to C1 A ranking tactic Works in the long run Way too didactic How did I get consumed By this need to check it off Too much to do I assumed Me and my mighty trough A trough of obsession A trough of greed A trough of pride A trough of ambition But where am I now Chasing a disorder Nothing but a sow Who is out of order I must throw the list away Does not matter to me Who cares if I stray And become carefree I have been told Does it matter In the past it was gold Today dung splatter I have changed To get relief Not to be deranged But to reduce my grief Go away systematic rules To accomplish tasks These are just tools Anxiety and depression masks Masks of fatigue Masks of rages Masks of technique Masks of past ages Take mine down Get rid of it I want to stay around And keep my wit
Over Stimulation
Over Stimulation
I heard this word a bunch with Dr. Andrews. I knew what it meant, but I needed to make sure that I understood what Dr. Andrews was talking about in regards to my disorder – Functional Neurological Disorder (FND).
According to the Learners Dictionary, over stimulation is to cause (someone or something) to become too active or excited: to stimulate (someone or something) too much.
What was overstimulating for me? Really, there are so many things which can cause me to get active or excited:
- Pretty Girl (Smart Girl)
- Smart Girl’s child
- Playing with children
- Laughter
- My kids
- Good book
- Bicycling
- Yoga
- Playing in pool
- Going to beach
- Good sermon
- Share the gospel
- Checklist
- Meet new people
- Concerts
- Yardwork
- Work
- Running a business
- Accomplishment
- Life
- Travel
The list can go on and on, but the definition mentions “too” or “too much.” Do all these things over stimulate me?
I have always been excitable and active. I could handle many things at one time. I could juggle many activities. I liked to move, to do, to progress, to succeed, and to accomplish. I had a checklist, and I wanted to check things off my list. I felt good when I make that checkmark
Once again, checking a checklist is not going to make me so overstimulated that I can not function, or I lose control. Or can it?
According to Dr. Andrews, it is not the checklist; it is the activities or the consequences of overdoing the activities. If I do too much, then it can overstimulate me and shut me down, especially if I am fatigued or experiencing slight episodes of the disorder. My triggers can activate, and they can be much worse.
What triggers FND?
- Fatigue
- Stress
- Complicated problems
- Doing too many things at one time
- Work to long
- Work too hard
- Unreal expectations
- Unsolvable problems
- Irritants
- Controversy
- Pain
- Illness
- Disagreements
- Arguments
What over stimulants trigger me?
- Sunlight
- Pain
- Disagreements
- Complicated Instructions
- Tired
- Stress – mental, physical, emotional
- Negotiations
- Complicated and long verbal conversations
- Long-drawn out stories
- Overindulge in exercise or work
- Unnecessary questions
- Lies
- Selective memories
- Illogical jibberish
How do you live in society if these things overstimulate you where you shut down or go into a rage?
- Learn triggers
- Reduce triggers
- Avoid triggers
- Simplify life
- Get plenty of sleep
- Stop doing too much
- Learn how to rest triggers
- Quit judging
- Learn CBT
- Learn DBT
- Be grateful
- Get back on Amitriptyline which has worked the best over last six years
Yes, I think some of what I write is redundant. I need to get a better grip on what is happening to me and how I need to proceed.
Does anyone know who teaches Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? West Tennessee, Memphis, or Nashville?