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Hope and Expectations

  Dare I raise my hope
 Or raise my expectations
 Set me up to be a dope
 How about the flirtations
  
 Do I expect her to realize
 We are made for each other
 And I am better than most guys
 Why do I want to bother
  
 To beg her forgiveness
 To seek her approval
 To deduce her restiveness
 To change her disproval
  
 Push her to decide
 To spend time with me
 Is it mine and her pride
 Which is the key
  
 Or is it stupidity
 To keep on hoping
 When she demonstrates lividity
 And I am just coping
  
 I miss our time together
 She says the same
 How can we tether
 Our mutual claim
  
 Leave her alone
 Live your life
 She has a phone
 No more strife
  
 Strife in myself
 Strife in her actions
 Strife in our childness
 Strife in the whole thing
  
 I know we would have fun
 We are so good just us
 Why does it have to be done
 What is the real fuss
  
 I do not know
 Questioning her decision
 Creating a senseless row
 A gigantic collision
    
 She is in control
 So let her go
 And make some goals
 Just go with the flow
  
 Not your best suit
 To play it by ear
 It might be the best route
 Learn to be a seer
  
 Able to visualize
 What decisions are best
 There may be a prize
 If I passed the test
  
 No matter what
 My life will be less
 But not in a rut
 Just some distress
  
 So what is it
 Hope that is confused
 Expectations that fit
 Reconciliation refused
  
 Or is it craziness
 To let it rule
 Making me melancholy
 So stop being a fool 

Change

volcano erupting at night under starry sky
Photo by Clive Kim on Pexels.com
I need a change
To make me whole
Why exchange
My current role
 
I am not appreciated
I am a man child
I am depressed and deflated
I am forgotten in exile
 
I have an opinion
I keep to myself
Just a tiny minion
Not being myself
 
I need to stand up
But then I am immature
And we breakup
And there is no cure
 
I can walk away
What does it prove
To exit the fray
As my opening move
 
But this is hard
I am weak going to ground
Getting lonely and scared
Growing lifeless and down
 
Will I miss my buddy
Just waiting and moping
Way too hard and bloody
Just hoping
 
I wish it could be
A life with her
I have made my plea
She does not concur
 
Instead of pouting
And being blue
Your life needs rerouting
To make it through
 
Concentrate on me
Setting new priorities
I am single and free
With no authorities
  
I am off my medication
Planning to travel
Not a vacation
Just to unravel
 
My mind and thoughts
Through reading and writing
Connecting the dots
And keep on fighting
 
Fighting for what is right
Which can be a debate
Not worth the bite
I am not a piece of bait
 
I am not a fish or insect
I am a strong man
I stand erect
I need a plan
 
Get my health straight
And create multiple verses
Remove dead weight
Solve any reverses
 
What needs to shift
To execute your plan
Become a spendthrift
And a bad food ban
 
Walk even if it hurts
A health goal
And do not chase skirts
So you keep control
 
Do not be in a rush
Solve all concerns
Work through the slush
And reap the returns
 
The goodwill produced
Relations restored
I will get a needed boost
Along with a great reward
 
My plan will be ready
To shift my gaze
And to be steady
Through this new phase

My Heart

 My heart hurts
 Was it love
 Or too many desserts
 Or God from above
  
 Does it matter
 Why I cannot take a breath
 My heart goes pitter patter
 Along the path to my death
  
 How did I get here
 After exercising too much
 Did I cause too much wear
 Or is this a crutch
  
 Did I eat the wrong food
 Mostly salads and meat
 Pizza when in the mood
 Along with something sweet
  
 Ice cream and cake
 Cookie dough with glaze
 Maybe a shake
 I did graze
  
 Food or exercise
 The doctors do not know
 I wonder if they are wise
 Or trying to collect dough
  
 Test after test
 What do they show
 Nothing in my chest
 Maye my heart flow
  
 More tests and protocols
 To see if my veins are clear
 Just wait for our calls
 And keep a good cheer
  
 Sometimes it is hard
 To be enthusiastic
 When you cannot walk the yard
 Or anything too drastic
  
 I cannot breathe when I piss
 I cannot breathe climbing up the stairs
 I cannot breathe to walk the block
 I cannot breathe playing in the pool
    
 These are not drastic actions
 And it is very tough
 No to have reactions
 When I cannot get a puff of air
  
 I walked 10000 steps daily
 I lifted weights daily
 I used the elliptical for 30 minutes daily
 I performed yoga every two days
  
 What happened to me
 Will it go away
 Can they fix this stuff
 Or keep it at bay
  
 I do wonder
 Can it be fixed
 Or do I go under
 My thoughts are mixed
  
 Issues upon issues
 Troubles upon troubles
 Stress upon stress
 Anxiety upon anxiety
  
 Thinking can be worse
 Worrying for naught
 Or is this a curse
 And I got caught
  
 Or is it a side effect
 Of a Covid shot
 Is there a connect
 Throwing it all in the pot
  
 Heart inflammation
 They do say
 Maybe a causation
 To take me astray
  
 My shot in late March
 My condition sometime in April
 Is there a connecting arch
 Or is this gossip or a fable 

Retreat and Rout

elephants fighting in savanna against cloudy sky
Photo by Bert on Pexels.com
 I make too many assumptions
 Which never work out
 Maybe mixed presumptions
 Ending in retreat and a rout
  
 Putting everything into one thing
 All my energy and emotions
 For a yearlong romantic fling
 Going through all the motions
  
 The regular dating routines
 And a few extra duties
 Including helping to clean
 Anything for my beauties
  
 I became a caregiver
 Helping out with carpools
 Even cleaning the silver
 Anything for my jewels
  
 I taught after school
 Doing weekly reading by committee
 Helping enforce the daily rules
 Anything for my pretties
  
 Little physical chores
 Picking up and putting up the plates
 Even cleaning out drawers
 Anything for my playmates
  
 But in the long run
 It does not matter
 All is undone
 A gigantic shatter
  
 We break apart
 Because there is no solution
 The same problem from the start
 A matter of the heart
  
 Not really love
 Honor and cherish
 More push and shove
 Close to nightmarish
  
 Warning signs are there
 I was a dope
 Our relationship not fair
 A sense of false hope
  
 Hope for a friend
 Hope for a companion
 Hope for a sweetheart
 Hope for love
    
 I wanted it too much
 I would do anything
 For someone to touch
 For a body to cling
  
 Not her fault
 I made the choice
 Not to halt
 And use my voice
  
 To communicate
 My feelings
 Accepting my fate
 In all my dealings
  
 Be honest and straight
 Stick to the facts
 Open the floodgate
 And brace for the impacts
  
 Ready to walk away
 Be courageous and strong
 Do not waver and sway
 If it is wrong
  
 Too petrified and afraid
 To face reality
 Disheartened and dismayed
 To fight and disagree
  
 Who wants confrontation
 And to dissension
 Leading to castration
 And no more attention
  
 But sooner or later
 All will come to an end
 Bowing to a dictator
 Instead of being a friend

 Friends listen
 Do not judge
 Or create divisions
 Stonewall without a budge
  
 Who am I talking to
 But only to me
 I cannot change a view
 From another who is free 

My Dance

man in black jacket wearing black headphones
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
 I did not respect my health
 Keep track of my friends
 Sharpen and expand my mind
 Or appreciating my wealth
  
 Do I have remorse
 Concerning all these thoughts
 A strange force
 Bothering me a lot
  
 Why do they bother me now
 I have lived a long time
 Will it change somehow
 My story rhyme
  
 The pace my life progresses
 In a repetitive motion
 Failures and successes
 Indifferences and emotions
  
 Up and down
 Round and round
 A priest or a clown
 Mute or with sound
  
 What I have learned
 Is I can fight it
 But I will get burned
 Or use my wit
  
 Learn the dance
 Forward and back
 Retreat and advance
 Seek peace and attack
  
 Dancing is easy
 Moving to the beat
 Not at all cheesy
 Beautiful when expressed
  
 The dance presents understanding
 And maturity
 Your emotional health is expanding
 Giving you security
  
 Security to be yourself
 Security to let someone go
 Security to be alone
 Security to be alright
  
 Alright is not hard
 Or overrated
 You can lower your guard
 Throw away things hated
  
 Why walk on eggshells
 Every step of the way
 Jump at each bell
 To keep the family gay
  
 Wait to be invited
 Like a waiting taxicab
 Feel judged and indicted
 A jab or a stab
  
 Sounds very frightening
 But all I wish
 Is emotional enlightening
 And to dance with a swish
  
 Twirl about
 Skip to the tune
 These things have no clout
 I am immune
  
 I dance with charming traits
 Knowing I am good
 And so much awaits
 Without any falsehoods
  
 Taken for granted
 Highlighting my faults
 Their beliefs are slanted
 But I will waltz
  
 To their reverberations
 And their misrepresentations
 Dancing on my foundations
 Forgetting the frustrations
  
 My dance is divine
 To and foe
 And it is all mine
 The ebb and flow
  
 The coming and going
 Enjoying the song
 That rhythm flowing
 I have grown strong