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Camping?

Camping? Really?

What can I do this fall with less contact with the outside world? One way to protect me from COVID-19 is camping. How about camping? I have not camped in a long time, and I wonder what it would be like to camp this fall. Has camping changed that much since I last camped 20 years ago?

I do not have any personal experience camping. My gut feeling is that it has not changed any in the past 20 years. I can do my usual research reading articles about it on the web, but does that capture the actual state of the camping world, especially with inexperienced campers. If it was just me, I could tough it out, and I would have a good time no matter what. You make your fun as you find it.

My camping trip will include an eight-year-old girl. Yes, an eight-year-old girl who has never been camping before. I do not know if she can handle all of the negative things that can happen on a camping trip. She might not be able to roll with the punches or go with the flow. How will she survive no internet or television?

I plan to share a list of negatives with my eight-year-old camping buddy, and here is my list.

  1. Bugs! Who wants to spend the night with bugs? A wasp flies by, and this eight-year-old ducks for cover. If she runs into a spider web, she screams bloody murder. I did too as a kid. I know these events will happen as they have on every camping trip before and after this trip. Do not forget mosquitoes. My only solution is bug spray.
  2. Rain! I do not want to be in the rain for any length of time. I am a fair-weather camper, just like a fair-weather sailor. If rain is in the forecast, then there will be no campout. If a storm blows up, I will go home or climb into my SUV Tent. I purchased an SUV Tent so we can jump into the back of the SUV to get away from nature – bugs, rain, heat, etc. Also, it is an excellent second tent or bedroom on a camping trip. The SUV Tent is one thing that has changed in the past 20 years, and I hope it is a game-changer. My fingers are crossed.
  3. Hot, humid weather! I plan to camp in the fall when the low temperatures at night will be in the low sixties. I do not want to be hot trying to sleep outside with an eight-year-old child, bugs, and the possibility of rain. Plan my trip when it will be cool at night is the best option.
  4. No television or wifi! I do not know if any kids can get through life without television or wifi. I know this eight-year-old is no exception to the rule. If I keep her busy hiking, kayaking, star watching, and storytelling, I think we can survive. She has an imagination, and she is curious, so I can tap those two things to get past no television or wifi. I think this is a huge positive for the camping trip.

I am listing one positive to counter the negatives. Get out of the house! I can not explain, or do I have to explain how horrible just sitting in the house during the COVID-19 virus pandemic? Everyone gets edgy, but an eight-year-old with plenty of energy is the edgiest of all. We can ride bicycles and play in and out and around the house only so much. She needs an outlet. She needs to roam. The trip to the beach did her wonders. I hope a trip to the great outdoors will be unique and fun and give her a boost.

I am sure everything will not go perfectly, but it is part of the journey. I hope my eight-year-old camping buddy sees it the same way. If it goes well, we can go camping some more, and if it goes wrong, we will never go camping again.

What negative experiences have you had camping? What do you consider the great positives of camping? Do you have any great tips for my camping trip this fall?

The Drug

The Drug
 
Amitriptyline
Is my drug
Not really crystalline
I think like a slug
 
So very very dragging
So very very hampered
So very very lagging
So very very hammered
 
I can not think
I can not write
I can not read
I can not understand
 
I can walk
I can talk
I can exercise
I can drive
 
A trade off
Lose the crazy woes
Do not unbelieve or scoff
Or live in the shadows
 
Easier to be alone
Easier to hideaway
Easier to be my own
Easier to live that way
 
Live in solitary
Or to fight the darkness
I am my adversary
What a starkness
 
To live in society
Amitriptyline is required
To end anxiety
A new life is desired
 
Slow with limited derailments
Sleep too much
Drugged but no aliments
Amitriptyline is a crutch
 
Last time 10 mg
Then 20 and 30 mg
Then 40 to 70 mg
All the way to 80 mg
 
In the end
It began shirking
No more dividends
And it quit working
 
Better for awhile
To have some assistance
A pleasant smile
And a healthy existence

Adore

Adore
 
What is adore
How do we get there
Not a story of lore
But let me share
 
Starts as a nightingale
A crush on a caregiver
A common tale
To someone who can deliver
 
Smart Girl worked hard
To analyze me
Another patient on her dance card
She is my significant key
 
She found I walk funny
She sent me to a specialist
She was so sunny
She was excellent
 
I found her smart
I found her pretty
I found her a piece of art
I found her witty
 
Yes they fixed my pain
My leg quit hurting
Adverting the ball and chain
Now my interest was flirting
 
I asked her out
Once or twice
A difficult route
But worth the price
 
Took weeks and weeks
To win her over
Through valleys and peaks
She was a rover
 
A single mother
She has medical challenges
No men and does not want another
Just wants to keep her life in balance
 
I was not deterred
I was smitten
I was stirred
I needed to fit in
 
I met her needs
Little acts of kindness
Many small deeds
Growing our fondness
 
We talked and talked
We played and played
We shared and shared
We gave and gave
 
Life took off
We lived mightily
Enjoying life from a trough
We were a family
 
We ate dinner together
We walked the dog
We attended school events
We went on trips
 
She improved my condition
Reducing my stress
Eliminating my strange emission
Making my symptoms much less
 
Our lives proceeded
For a long period of time
Warning signs were unheeded
We had reached our prime
 
She had to choose
Old life or new
Two different views
Which one is true
 
I did not help
Wanting my way
All ended in a yelp
And a fray
 
I was frustrated
She was smothered
All issues debated
She was mothered
 
She was safe
She was secure
She was loved
She was dandy
 
No reason to change
No reason to move
No reason to exchange
No reason to improve
 
Our lives deteriorated
Too hard to maintain
I was patient and waited
Living through the strain
 
Talk and talk
Going to transform
Waiting out the clock
And get through the storm
 
I needed her
She nurtured me
I wanted her
She understood me
 
But it was not to be
Our love did not last
We lost our glee
Our lives were in the past
 
No new memories
No new adventures
No new experiences
No new experiments
 
My heart was broken
I was incredibly sad
She had spoken
Again a nomad
 
On my own
Living life
Life alone
No community strife
 
Just circumstances
Circumstances of anxiousness
Circumstances of nervousness
Circumstances of restiveness
 
This went on for a while
A routine of existence
Peaceful in exile
Not much resistance
 
The text came
For us to unite
Back in the game
Everything alright
 
We had not changed
Back to our truths
Nothing rearranged
Back to our youths
 
Playing ball
Going to pool
Watching movies
Holding hands
 
We had missed some days
We had not seen each other
We had made it through the haze
We had ended the pother
 
Smart Girl found a disorder
Sounding like my quirks
Almost like a hoarder
Of crazy weird works
 
I was diagnosed with it
How exciting and fresh
But it fit
I keep my pound of flesh
 
No death sentence
How grand
Learn tools of repentance
Tools to manage my land
 
Land of coziness
Land of familiarity
Land of closeness
Land of comradeliness
 
Journey back to the word
Adore worship admire
Love esteem honor preferred
My heart on fire
 
Unexpectantly
Our lives interrupted
Our future and destiny
Everything disrupted
 
Disrupted our utopia
Where do we go
Entering dystopia
We will not grow
 
Back to the same place
A prison of sorts
Not our own space
Our life distorts
 
Too many chiefs
Too many frustrations
Too many rules
Too many debates
 
We are a couple
It is up to us
Not very supple
Just more fuss
 
Hard enough with one
But two or three
Along with intentional shun
We will not be free
 
I want to respect
I want to admire
I want to cherish
I want to honor
 
I want to get along
I want to go with the flow
I want to be strong
I want to be in the show
 
But it has to be her and me
Our lives and decisions
We must unify and agree
To enjoy our visions
 
I gave up hope
Thinking it was done
Walking the tightrope
No life in the long run
 
She had made her choice
Months ago
I heard her voice
I was useless cargo
 
I was expendable
I was a throwaway
I was undefendable
I was a cliche
 
Moody
Crazy
Unstable
Wacky
 
Yes it is correct
I am not perfect
Last time I checked
But then she picked
 
She picked love
She picked romance
She picked affection
She picked one to kiss
 
She likes our playfulness
She likes our secureness
She likes our tenderness
She likes our togetherness
 
Adore is here
In all its glory
Shout and hear
Our great story
 
We have fun
And laugh
We have joy
And happiness
 
Adore is a journey
A road to travel
A grand tourney
Let us not unravel

Checklist

Checklist
 
I have had one forever
Once it is on the list
A grand endeavor
Not to be missed
 
Get it done
Can be transposable
Not always fun
Quick as possible
 
Which one first
Which one second
Which one makes a difference
Which one is important
 
From A1 to C1
A ranking tactic
Works in the long run
Way too didactic
 
How did I get consumed
By this need to check it off
Too much to do I assumed
Me and my mighty trough
 
A trough of obsession
A trough of greed
A trough of pride
A trough of ambition
 
But where am I now
Chasing a disorder
Nothing but a sow
Who is out of order
 
I must throw the list away
Does not matter to me
Who cares if I stray
And become carefree
 
I have been told
Does it matter
In the past it was gold
Today dung splatter
 
I have changed
To get relief
Not to be deranged
But to reduce my grief
 
Go away systematic rules
To accomplish tasks
These are just tools
Anxiety and depression masks
 
Masks of fatigue
Masks of rages
Masks of technique
Masks of past ages
 
Take mine down
Get rid of it
I want to stay around
And keep my wit

Over Stimulation

Over Stimulation

I heard this word a bunch with Dr. Andrews. I knew what it meant, but I needed to make sure that I understood what Dr. Andrews was talking about in regards to my disorder – Functional Neurological Disorder (FND).

According to the Learners Dictionary, over stimulation is to cause (someone or something) to become too active or excited: to stimulate (someone or something) too much.

What was overstimulating for me? Really, there are so many things which can cause me to get active or excited:

  • Pretty Girl (Smart Girl)
  • Smart Girl’s child
  • Playing with children
  • Laughter
  • My kids
  • Good book
  • Bicycling
  • Yoga
  • Playing in pool
  • Going to beach
  • Good sermon
  • Share the gospel
  • Checklist
  • Meet new people
  • Concerts
  • Yardwork
  • Work
  • Running a business
  • Accomplishment
  • Life
  • Travel

The list can go on and on, but the definition mentions “too” or “too much.” Do all these things over stimulate me?

I have always been excitable and active. I could handle many things at one time. I could juggle many activities. I liked to move, to do, to progress, to succeed, and to accomplish. I had a checklist, and I wanted to check things off my list. I felt  good when I make that checkmark

Once again, checking a checklist is not going to make me so overstimulated that I can not function, or I lose control. Or can it?

According to Dr. Andrews, it is not the checklist; it is the activities or the consequences of overdoing the activities. If I do too much, then it can overstimulate me and shut me down, especially if I am fatigued or experiencing slight episodes of the disorder. My triggers can activate, and they can be much worse.

What triggers FND?

  • Fatigue
  • Stress
  • Complicated problems
  • Doing too many things at one time
  • Work to long
  • Work too hard
  • Unreal expectations
  • Unsolvable problems
  • Irritants
  • Controversy
  • Pain
  • Illness
  • Disagreements
  • Arguments

What over stimulants trigger me?

  • Sunlight
  • Pain
  • Disagreements
  • Complicated Instructions
  • Tired
  • Stress – mental, physical, emotional
  • Negotiations
  • Complicated and long verbal conversations
  • Long-drawn out stories
  • Overindulge in exercise or work
  • Unnecessary questions
  • Lies
  • Selective memories
  • Illogical jibberish

How do you live in society if these things overstimulate you where you shut down or go into a rage?

  • Learn triggers
  • Reduce triggers
  • Avoid triggers
  • Simplify life
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Stop doing too much
  • Learn how to rest triggers
  • Quit judging
  • Learn CBT
  • Learn DBT
  • Be grateful
  • Get back on Amitriptyline which has worked the best over last six years

Yes, I think some of what I write is redundant. I need to get a better grip on what is happening to me and how I need to proceed.

Does anyone know who teaches Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? West Tennessee, Memphis, or Nashville?