Checklist
I have had one forever
Once it is on the list
A grand endeavor
Not to be missed
Get it done
Can be transposable
Not always fun
Quick as possible
Which one first
Which one second
Which one makes a difference
Which one is important
From A1 to C1
A ranking tactic
Works in the long run
Way too didactic
How did I get consumed
By this need to check it off
Too much to do I assumed
Me and my mighty trough
A trough of obsession
A trough of greed
A trough of pride
A trough of ambition
But where am I now
Chasing a disorder
Nothing but a sow
Who is out of order
I must throw the list away
Does not matter to me
Who cares if I stray
And become carefree
I have been told
Does it matter
In the past it was gold
Today dung splatter
I have changed
To get relief
Not to be deranged
But to reduce my grief
Go away systematic rules
To accomplish tasks
These are just tools
Anxiety and depression masks
Masks of fatigue
Masks of rages
Masks of technique
Masks of past ages
Take mine down
Get rid of it
I want to stay around
And keep my wit
I heard this word a bunch with Dr. Andrews. I knew what it meant, but I needed to make sure that I understood what Dr. Andrews was talking about in regards to my disorder – Functional Neurological Disorder (FND).
According to the Learners Dictionary, over stimulation is to cause (someone or something) to become too active or excited: to stimulate (someone or something) too much.
What was overstimulating for me? Really, there are so many things which can cause me to get active or excited:
Pretty Girl (Smart Girl)
Smart Girl’s child
Playing with children
Laughter
My kids
Good book
Bicycling
Yoga
Playing in pool
Going to beach
Good sermon
Share the gospel
Checklist
Meet new people
Concerts
Yardwork
Work
Running a business
Accomplishment
Life
Travel
The list can go on and on, but the definition mentions “too” or “too much.” Do all these things over stimulate me?
I have always been excitable and active. I could handle many things at one time. I could juggle many activities. I liked to move, to do, to progress, to succeed, and to accomplish. I had a checklist, and I wanted to check things off my list. I felt good when I make that checkmark
Once again, checking a checklist is not going to make me so overstimulated that I can not function, or I lose control. Or can it?
According to Dr. Andrews, it is not the checklist; it is the activities or the consequences of overdoing the activities. If I do too much, then it can overstimulate me and shut me down, especially if I am fatigued or experiencing slight episodes of the disorder. My triggers can activate, and they can be much worse.
What triggers FND?
Fatigue
Stress
Complicated problems
Doing too many things at one time
Work to long
Work too hard
Unreal expectations
Unsolvable problems
Irritants
Controversy
Pain
Illness
Disagreements
Arguments
What over stimulants trigger me?
Sunlight
Pain
Disagreements
Complicated Instructions
Tired
Stress – mental, physical, emotional
Negotiations
Complicated and long verbal conversations
Long-drawn out stories
Overindulge in exercise or work
Unnecessary questions
Lies
Selective memories
Illogical jibberish
How do you live in society if these things overstimulate you where you shut down or go into a rage?
Learn triggers
Reduce triggers
Avoid triggers
Simplify life
Get plenty of sleep
Stop doing too much
Learn how to rest triggers
Quit judging
Learn CBT
Learn DBT
Be grateful
Get back on Amitriptyline which has worked the best over last six years
Yes, I think some of what I write is redundant. I need to get a better grip on what is happening to me and how I need to proceed.
Does anyone know who teaches Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? West Tennessee, Memphis, or Nashville?
I was diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) on Wednesday on July 8th. According to National Organization for Rare Diseases, FND is a medical condition in which there is a problem with the functioning of the nervous system and how the brain and body sends and/or receives signals, rather than a structural disease process such as multiple sclerosis, Parkinson or stroke.” This disorder is an improvement over my self diagnosed diseases and disorders. I am happy that I have it than the other alternatives.
For six years, I have struggled with a many weird issues which came and went at random. These issues are unpredictable and debilitating. I struggled with the unknown. When no one tells you, what is wrong with you, then you begin to wander through the possibilities. I found and latched on to Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP) two years ago. I had 8 of 12 symptoms, and it was the only disease or disorder that described me. The doctors did not think I had it because I was too strong, but what were the alternatives? I sank into depression and anxiety.
I ran the gambit of possibilities. How long do I last? Will it be a painful death? Will I make it three years? Will I suffer? I did not believe the doctors who said you are too strong because they were not giving me any alternatives. These were no solutions; just wait until it manifests itself.
I did not want to wait until it manifests itself. I wanted answers now. Who wants to wait until it manifests itself, and then they say, “Oh, you had PSP sorry. Now, you will die in a year or 2.” To me, that was pure craziness!
A few weeks ago, Cynthia (Smart Girl) found Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), and we studied upon it on various websites. I got an appointment with a doctor in Little Rock who understood FND. I found him on FNDhope.org. I made an appointment with Dr. Andrews.
I visited Dr. Andrews on Wednesday, July 8th. Dr. Andrews and I talked for an hour. He says, yes, you have Functional Neurological Disorder, and Dr. Andrews believes my right leg trauma with knee replacement, hip surgery, and replacement and blood clots with the extreme pain made FND activate. I was delighted when he said you are too strong for PSP, and since Mayo and Vanderbilt have eliminated all possible physical symptoms, it has to be FND. I went from a disorder with a death sentence to a disorder you can learn to live with through training.
You must learn what triggers your disorder or attacks so you can react to the triggers better. Also, you need to learn how to reset the triggers to get back to normal as quickly as possible. Here is a laundry list of things that I need to do to help myself:
• Keep exercising • Keep doing yoga • Keep eating a healthy diet • Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) • Learn Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) • Simplify your life • Keep it simple • Learn triggers • Avoid triggers • Minimize triggers • Learn resets – stutter or unable to speak than sing a song and can not walk forwards then walk backwards • Beware if you disliked something before disorder, then you hate it now.
Here are some examples of what I disliked before, and I now hate:
• I was not too fond of crowds, so crowds activate my symptoms. • I did not like liars. Now, I hate liars. • I did not like injustice? I despise injustice. • I was intolerant of emotional hot-air rhetoric. I wouldn’t say I like rhetoric. • I do not like drawn-out stories. Now, I have no patience for a long story. • I do not enjoy genealogy (stuff with past). Wow, I guess it is a huge trigger.
These triggers can set me off to be rude, angry, or go to rage. Big problem!! I have always been feisty, argumentative, fiery, but it is a new uncontrollable level.
I have to learn to deactivate these triggers and not to let them bother me. I hope CBT and DBT give me the tools to do that.
Does anyone know any resets for triggers or a good list of reboots like singing a song for stutter and walk backwards to reset unable to step forward?
People in Your LifePeople come and goPart of our lifeAnd it is soSome through strifeHarder for someTo keep it togetherAlways so dumbBad or fair weatherPridefulArrogantSelfishBelligerentTo name a fewBut more to ask forIf you care to viewHere are moreLife circumstancesLife traumasLife illnessesLife mysteriesAll kinds of reasonsTo be a jerkIn all seasonsTo go berserkHow you actIs how you are framedTry to use tactOr you get blamedYou cannot hideFor exceptionally longSooner or later you slideYou are not that strongTo keep it at bayTo keep it hiddenTo keep it suppressedTo keep it smotheredUseless effortTry to isolateTo be betterIs one traitForce others awaySo be by yourselfNo one to playJust pictures on the shelfA lonely crutchTo protect your outburstsPeople are too muchThese are not unique firstsSocial distancingEndless therapyCountless medicinesRetreats and asylumsDoctors galorePsychobabbleWhat a boreGood for the rabbleBut the worse casesMust be dumbed downSee it in their facesThe emotionless frownsPump them with drugsTo make them acceptableNo longer thugsAlmost respectableThey might be slowThey might droolThey might be lazyThey might be dimBut they are tamedThey can be presentedAnd beautifully framedSat in the corner ornamentedI do not want to be dampenedI do not want to be unnoticedI do not want to be a simpletonI do not want to be devaluedBut to live in peaceTo live with immunityTo live it must ceaseTo live in unityCease the angerCease the explosionCease the banterCease the implosionMake a choiceOr stay in a caveAnd listen to your own voiceAnd be your own slave
As I celebrate this Independence Day, I realize that the original colonies felt persecuted. Today, persecution exists in many manners and forms. No one has an exclusive right to claim persecution because it happens all over the world depending on who has the power. As Christians and United States citizens we have greater responsibility and accountability to address the injustices of our world. Happy Fourth of July! Remember how we got here and why!
Persecution
Persecution is hostility
Persecution is ill treatment
Persecution is unfair treatment
Persecution is abusive treatment
Any act of ill will
Can be persecution
Sometimes a bitter pill
No real solution
Majority or minority
Whatever color
No authority or absolute authority
Few dollars or bunch of dollars
Atheism or Christian
Does not matter
This is not fiction
Never ending chapter
People will hate
People will control
People will attack
People will kill
This is our story
Story of humanity
Journey of fury
And depravity
Christians are oppressed
In many ways
This is not a test
For it happens nowadays
Christians are called names
Christians are beaten
Christians are rejected
Christians are murdered
I live in the USA
Things are not like that here
Maybe not today
But listen and rehear
Bad News
2 Timothy 3:12 (ESV) 12 Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,
1 John 3:13 (ESV) 13 Do not be surprised, brothers,[a] that the world hates you.
Good News
1 Peter 3:14 (ESV) 14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled,
Matthew 5:10 (ESV) 10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
But not in my United States
Not in my USA city
Not with my friends and mates
Not in my church committee
We are called by Christ
To be one body
Not cut and sliced
And not inferior or shoddy
One body as a whole
Caring for one another
Where I take a stroll
Or miles from my sister and brother
A Christian persecuted in Louisiana
A Christian persecuted in St Louis
A Christian persecuted in Facebook
A Christian persecuted in the World
All the same to our Lord
And it should be the same to us
We are on the same game board
Some castled in blissful snugness
Snugness from the action
Snugness from the abuses
Snugness from murderous fractions
Snugness from the bruises
The Bible is clear
We are part of the One
So shed a heartfelt tear
For our Savior the Son
Do not end now
Do not forget
Do not isolate
Do not think your set
Jesus wants us to love
He wants us to get along
Not be under the thumb of
Those strong and wrong
Many are harmed
Not just us Christian Saints
Remember the abused
And their complaints
Black lives of import
And they have a point
Not useless chatter
An ugly wart
Muslims matter too
China restricts their birth pace
This is more than a few
Millions lost without a trace
Women are left behind
Why does their paycheck lag
And the world is blind
Do you have to nag
Nagged to get your issues addressed
Nagged to listen and learn
Nagged to help and invest
Nagged to make it your turn
It is our turn to be accountable
To use our capabilities
To be countable
To end these hostilities
Christians have a call
To address conflicts
No matter how small
And no quick fix
God wants us to help
God wants us to intervene
God wants us to have compassion
God wants us to act
Act in many ways
Donate your time
Donate your money
Donate your prayers
God wants you to know
God loves everyone
Christians must acknowledge
We are under the same sun
Scriptures for One Body
Romans 12:4 (ESV) 4 For as in one body we have many members,[a] and the members do not all have the same function,
1 Corinthians 10:17(ESV) 17 Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread.
1 Corinthians 12:12 (ESV) One Body with Many Members 12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.
1 Corinthians 12:13 (ESV) 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves[a] or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.
1 Corinthians 12:14 (ESV) 14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many.
Ephesians 2:16 (ESV) 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.
