love – Page 3 – Conrad Birmingham

Understand

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Understand

I do not understand
How you can live
Living so bland
When we strive

Strive to play
Strive to laugh
Strive to excite
Strive to life

I know you
And you know me
I am not looking for a coup
Live to be free

Free to enjoy each other
Free to come and go
Free to smother
Free to flow

Smother you with love
Smother you with kindness
Smother you not shove
Smother your blindness

Blindness to my strengths
Blindness to my virtues
Blindness to my talents
Blindness to my advantages

Not here to take
Or to divide
Not here to break
Or to pick sides

To compliment
To help
To serve
To encourage

Put on the brakes
But who knows
What are the stakes
And we froze

Too serious
Leave mom and dad
How mysterious
I must be bad

Yes, violent
Yes, arrogant
Yes, a giant child
Yes, a loud oaf

All are true
We all have faults
Nothing new
Not always a waltz

How do you see it
And how it is portrayed
A story to knit
A complicated braid

My story is mine
And I know my heart
I have a shine
For a girl who is smart

She is splendid
And kind
Not easily offended
Has her own mind

She is a nurturer
She is funny
She is an adventurer
She is sunny

Hard to lose
A real treasure
Can cause the blues
And all the pleasure

It is so
She has chosen
Sent me the memo
We are frozen

Time sits still
Between her and more
A long climb up the hill
To the next open door

But remember this
The ride down
Will find bliss
I will lose my frown

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I am Back on Social Media

Need to Promote My Writing

I have started writing again. I am no longer on my medicine, and I have written a second book of poetry.

https://amzn.to/3kPQZL4

I hope you enjoy my poems. Here is one I wrote the other day:

I Do Not Know

I do not know
I do not understand
I do not accept the status quo
I do not make demands

Lost and alone
Lost and needy
Lost in groans
Very greedy

Selfish
Hurtful
Jealous
Ungrateful

I search
I chase
In church
In your face

I am not fair
I am not emphatic
Not that I do not care
Not to cause static

My every intention
Is to be loved
Not an intervention
Or to be shoved

But in goodwill
Honest and true
Neither a windmill
Nor a zoo

Help me Lord
Settle down
Not with a sword
Or to shutdown

Honest retrospect
Heartfelt transmission
Giving respect
Honest admission

Of my faults
Of my weaknesses
Of my assaults
To my Jesus

Let me bow
Let me repent
Worship thou
End my torment

Restore my heart
According to your will
I need a fresh start
Make my path downhill

Easy to travel
Easy to see
Less prone to unravel
With a skeleton key

Unlock the doors
Make my way
On all fours
So I can pray

Heavenly Father
Forgive me
Bless my sister
Hear my plea

Hear
In Jesus name
My sins disappear
Without shame

I am new
Today everyday
No blame
Without decay

Holy Spirit
Filled
Explicit
Old life killed

Written by: Conrad Birmingham

Brutal Endeavor

 Must stop
 No reason to proceed
 Our relationship a flop
 So easy to read
  
 The signs were there
 I did not see
 Not a nightmare
 We did not agree
  
 Agree on life
 How much time
 Husband and wife
 We did not rhyme
  
 Too many factions
 Ruling our existence
 Always reactions
 And harmful resistance
  
 You and me
 We were fine
 Full of joy and glee
 No reason to whine
  
 We could not breakout
 From the smothering
 No reason to pout
 Too much mothering
  
 All will be good
 We can move on
 I am not a kid
 Or a worthless pawn
  
 You will be in my heart
 Forever and ever
 Hate this part
 A brutal endeavor

My Heart

 My heart hurts
 Was it love
 Or too many desserts
 Or God from above
  
 Does it matter
 Why I cannot take a breath
 My heart goes pitter patter
 Along the path to my death
  
 How did I get here
 After exercising too much
 Did I cause too much wear
 Or is this a crutch
  
 Did I eat the wrong food
 Mostly salads and meat
 Pizza when in the mood
 Along with something sweet
  
 Ice cream and cake
 Cookie dough with glaze
 Maybe a shake
 I did graze
  
 Food or exercise
 The doctors do not know
 I wonder if they are wise
 Or trying to collect dough
  
 Test after test
 What do they show
 Nothing in my chest
 Maye my heart flow
  
 More tests and protocols
 To see if my veins are clear
 Just wait for our calls
 And keep a good cheer
  
 Sometimes it is hard
 To be enthusiastic
 When you cannot walk the yard
 Or anything too drastic
  
 I cannot breathe when I piss
 I cannot breathe climbing up the stairs
 I cannot breathe to walk the block
 I cannot breathe playing in the pool
    
 These are not drastic actions
 And it is very tough
 No to have reactions
 When I cannot get a puff of air
  
 I walked 10000 steps daily
 I lifted weights daily
 I used the elliptical for 30 minutes daily
 I performed yoga every two days
  
 What happened to me
 Will it go away
 Can they fix this stuff
 Or keep it at bay
  
 I do wonder
 Can it be fixed
 Or do I go under
 My thoughts are mixed
  
 Issues upon issues
 Troubles upon troubles
 Stress upon stress
 Anxiety upon anxiety
  
 Thinking can be worse
 Worrying for naught
 Or is this a curse
 And I got caught
  
 Or is it a side effect
 Of a Covid shot
 Is there a connect
 Throwing it all in the pot
  
 Heart inflammation
 They do say
 Maybe a causation
 To take me astray
  
 My shot in late March
 My condition sometime in April
 Is there a connecting arch
 Or is this gossip or a fable

Retreat and Rout

elephants fighting in savanna against cloudy sky — Photo by Bert on Pexels.com

 I make too many assumptions
 Which never work out
 Maybe mixed presumptions
 Ending in retreat and a rout
  
 Putting everything into one thing
 All my energy and emotions
 For a yearlong romantic fling
 Going through all the motions
  
 The regular dating routines
 And a few extra duties
 Including helping to clean
 Anything for my beauties
  
 I became a caregiver
 Helping out with carpools
 Even cleaning the silver
 Anything for my jewels
  
 I taught after school
 Doing weekly reading by committee
 Helping enforce the daily rules
 Anything for my pretties
  
 Little physical chores
 Picking up and putting up the plates
 Even cleaning out drawers
 Anything for my playmates
  
 But in the long run
 It does not matter
 All is undone
 A gigantic shatter
  
 We break apart
 Because there is no solution
 The same problem from the start
 A matter of the heart
  
 Not really love
 Honor and cherish
 More push and shove
 Close to nightmarish
  
 Warning signs are there
 I was a dope
 Our relationship not fair
 A sense of false hope
  
 Hope for a friend
 Hope for a companion
 Hope for a sweetheart
 Hope for love
    
 I wanted it too much
 I would do anything
 For someone to touch
 For a body to cling
  
 Not her fault
 I made the choice
 Not to halt
 And use my voice
  
 To communicate
 My feelings
 Accepting my fate
 In all my dealings
  
 Be honest and straight
 Stick to the facts
 Open the floodgate
 And brace for the impacts
  
 Ready to walk away
 Be courageous and strong
 Do not waver and sway
 If it is wrong
  
 Too petrified and afraid
 To face reality
 Disheartened and dismayed
 To fight and disagree
  
 Who wants confrontation
 And to dissension
 Leading to castration
 And no more attention
  
 But sooner or later
 All will come to an end
 Bowing to a dictator
 Instead of being a friend

 Friends listen
 Do not judge
 Or create divisions
 Stonewall without a budge
  
 Who am I talking to
 But only to me
 I cannot change a view
 From another who is free