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Listen, Can you hear the sound of death? Grim Reaper chasing me!

Uplifting Poems About the Death of a Loved One

Autobiography

My autobiography of poetry over the last fifty-eight years. Ha ha ha! I laugh too. I am a businessman who is retired, and he is trying to stay busy. I have no real talent at writing any type of writing except Quality Assurance Programs, Business Plans, Bible Study Notes, Business Price Quotes, Business Memos, Loan Requests, Consulting Reports, and all things business.

Pre-order My Book It Publishes on May 29th
Listen Do You Hear the Sound of Death? The Grim Reaper is Chasing Me!
Conrad Birmingham Amazon Author Page

Journey of My Life

Uplifting Poems About the Death of a Loved One is a journey of my life, especially in the last five years. I have struggled through medical issues for these five years, including depression and anxiety. I am challenged with the belief that I have a disease that is not diagnosed, and I am going to die. True or not true, that is what I believe. He first book of poems works up to this obsession with death. The book of poems ends with hope.

Medical History last Five Years

 History 2020

All symptoms, and if anything, they are worse. They vary based upon all kinds of factors.

One trip to Mayo Clinic, and nothing has changed except new symptoms. All they can tell me is to wait for it to manifest itself. There are no more tests and no more doctors. Thank the number one hospital in the world. Five visits are enough.

New Symptoms 2020

  • My brain locks up, and I can not talk. I know what I want to say, but it will not come out of my mouth. I am down 3 to 5 minutes, and then it comes out of me.
  • I cannot walk and do two things. If I am walking and I try to stir the soup or something on a plate or count something, then I fall left to the right, stop moving forward, and cannot talk. I can move backward then stop doing everything and reset. I can then walk forward.

History 2019

 I quit going to doctors in 2019. After 48 doctors for so many things, I am sick of doctors, and I quit going after Mayo Clinic and Vanderbilt appointments at the first of the year. They used the exact same words – You need to wait for it to manifest itself. These issues persist:

  • Feet hurt, numb, and tingle
  • Hands hurt, numb and tingle
  • Neck hurts
  • Dizzy
  • Foggy
  • Forgetful
  • Slow
  • Shy away from bright lights
  • Falling backward or sideways
  • Unable to announce words, maybe stutter

 I have quit chasing the cause of these, and I am just trying to live with them now. I have done an excellent job with reduced symptoms all of 2019 and in the months of August and September, especially. In those months, I had almost no symptoms at all.

I want to go on a new medicine which will cut the edge. I do not know if I have stress or anxiety. When I am off amitriptyline, I am more emotional. I rush to agitation, and frustration is quicker. The anger is not rage but similar without yelling and screaming. Well, George does not think this is a correct statement anymore.  My friend and I talked about it being more adrenaline rushes. I am getting pumped up for something. I do not know what?

  • Jan to Dec– Everything occurs under many different combinations and circumstances
  • Feb – Joint Specialist
  • Jan – Blood Clots – hematologist – stay on the blood thinner
  • Jan -Vein Specialist – nothing to do with four blood clots. The leg will swell and hurt

 History 2018

Mayo and Patterson Physical Therapy ( Beth Patterson and Cynthia Thomson) in Jackson, Tennessee, worked on these my knee, calf, and hip, and the majority of the pain have gone away. A combination of shoe orthotics, lost weight, exercise, yoga, and more expensive tennis shoes. I do not consider this a significant issue, just a nuisance.

I went to Mayo Clinic 4 times, and they eliminated all significant organs, diseases, etc. as possible candidates. They believe I have to wait for it to manifest itself into one block for a diagnosis. They took me off amitriptyline and put me on Lexapro – anxiety medicine, but that made my symptoms worse. I got off Lexapro. I went back on amitriptyline until Dec 2019.

I have seen 15 doctors over the past few years for a variety of issues, and I am trying to eliminate problems to find the root cause so I can feel better. All of these sometimes happen all the time, and sometimes one or two at a time. But it is something every day.

  • Knee hurts
  • Hip Hurts
  • Calf Hurts
  • Feet hurt, numb, and tingle
  • Hands hurt, numb and tingle
  • Neck hurts
  • Dizzy, foggy, forgetful, slow, overwhelmed in crowds, shy away from bright lights
  • Right foot swells
  • Right leg knee down swells

 History  2017

  • Jan to June – Everything occurs under many different combinations and circumstances
  • July – A blood clot in the right leg. Leg stayed swollen for five months
  • Oct – Lost breath climbing stairs for two weeks went away
  • Nov – diagnosed Factor 5 … gene disorder causes blood to clot
  • Dec – MRI to recheck neck and spine – can not find out why lost use of right arm from the elbow down fishing

 2016 – Continue to have knee and hip pain but all new issues too

  • Jan – MS Specialist Vanderbilt – not MS go to a neurologist
  • Feb – Neurologist Vanderbilt – MRI’s neck brain and spine show no damage or suspensions
  • Feb to Dec – Everything occurs under many different combinations and circumstances

History 2015 

Knee and hip continue to hurt all year

  • Sept – I felt like I had a heart attack on a Saturday, but it went away after 1 hour. I did not go to the doctor. Thought it was vertigo.
  • Dec – Neurologist – neuropathy in hands and feet.
  • Sept to Dec – New issues of hand, feet, and neck pain. Dizziness, falling backward sensation, overwhelming in crowds, fuzzy, hazy
  • Jackson Doctor sends me to Vanderbilt

History 2014

  • Two Hip Surgeries –  I slipped on ice in Jan, and one surgery to sew it up. The second surgery to replace it.
  • Blood Clot  – I had a blood clot after hip replacement

History 2013

Knee replacement. I had a hard time bending it, and it had to be manipulated once. I finally got it to bend and was getting stronger

Pre – 2013

 Three knee surgeries, shoulder surgery, ankle surgery

I have always had problems with my right knee since the age of 15.

Conrad’s Mini-Book will be free on Sunday

Pentecost is May 31st

Pentecost occurs 50 days after Passover. This year it falls on May 31, 2020, but we will do our study on May 28, 2020, at 7:30 PM central on Zoom. Visit Seekers – Help Me Believe for more information.

We celebrate Pentecost as a time that believers in Jesus Christ first receive the Holy Spirit in Acts 2. Before we read Acts 2, we will talk about how the Jewish people celebrated Pentecost and why and what happened right after Jesus ascended into heaven before Pentecost.

Pentecost or Feast of Weeks

Pentecost is the Greek word for the Feast of Weeks. The Feast of Weeks is the Jewish people’s celebration showing respect for God because he provides support, maintenance, and living for His people. The Jewish people were expected to travel to Jerusalem and to offer their tithe of their wheat harvest. This is one of the three celebrations that required the Jewish people to go to Jerusalem. The other two are Passover and the Feast of Tabernacles. During Passover in early spring, the Jewish people worshiped God and offered the first fruits of their Barley harvest. During the Feast of Tabernacles in the fall, the Jewish people praised God and offered their tithe of the final harvest, such as grapes and olives.

Jewish tradition has Moses receiving the law from God on Mount Sinai, and the Jewish people would gather and read the Ten Commandments. They wanted to live in community with each other, and this is how they would remember their responsibilities to God and one another.

Action

Turn to Exodus 20:1-17 and let us read the Ten Commandments

Questions

  • What do you think about as you read the 10 Commandments? Ho-hum? Boredom? I know this feeling.
  • What if we celebrated what it says, and we applied it in our lives daily. Would it make a difference?
  • Spend a few minutes and contemplate the Ten Commandments and what it means in your life. Share it with your family.

The full lesson for May 28th is on located here – Pentecost Lesson

Comment on Lesson or Blog, Leave a Review for Conrad or Ask Conrad a Question

My Faith

My faith is permanent. I am saved, and I will always be saved. I have my passport stamped to heaven, and I am going. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be with God forever when I die. My salvation is secure.

I grew up going to church, and I went to a Christian school until high school. I had good Christian teaching. I saw the good and bad of Christians in school, and it hurt my faith because the Christian teachers were hypocrites with favorites. It was sad.

After College, I was a banker, and then I bought and sold businesses. I quit going to church and reading my Bible. I got very, very far away from God. All I was worried about was making money. Somewhere along the way, I knew something was missing, and I needed more. I started reading the Bible in 1997. My grandmother was a strong Christian, and she died in 1998. She was 100. I was driving home from one of my businesses struggling with business issues and life issues, and I had a vision. In a group of clouds, my grandmother talked to me. She told me it was all true and it will be ok. Don’t worry. It was a fantastic experience, and I did not tell anybody about it for a while, but it changed my life immediately.

I read my Bible every day. I prayed every day. I quit reading other books except for Christian publications. I went to church on Wednesdays and Sundays. I joined a Sunday school. I was baptized or born again in 2000. I quit cursing, and I cared about other people. I stayed in my first marriage (unpleasant marriage) for another few years. I started participating in church ministries. My attitude changed from a greedy, selfish, mean spirited person to a generous, kind person. I still have my moments, but I am nothing like I was before I was born again. People noticed.

I began very evangelistic reading and studying different ways to share the gospel. I made it my duty to share the gospel. I look for opportunities. I have planted many seeds, and I have harvested a few. God used me to harvest a Muslim. What an experience.

My vision of God is straight out of Revelations when God is on the throne, and the martyrs are under the throne, begging him to finish it – to bring justice. When I think of God, that is what I imagine now. 

I have taught Sunday School, small groups, and children groups. I was so busy for Christ; I taught children at the local trailer part on Sunday, small group Sunday night, small group Tuesday, and Thursday night. The best thing they were all different people. I learned more from teaching than I ever learned from reading and studying. What a blessing.

I have never been on a mission trip because I feel I am on mission every day. I visited homes sharing the gospel, passed out tracks, visited individuals in the hospital every Wednesday for a year or two, took children to summer church camp, slept overnight with homeless in programs, gospel, teach small groups, and became a Stephen Minister. 

Stephen Minister is a layperson program where you take 40 hours of training along with continuing education weekly. As a layperson, you are assigned people from the church to help through their grief. If it is a severe issue, then you pass them on to the pastor. I did this for three years, and it was difficult. I had some interesting people, but they were hurting humans. I took on this challenge because I was not very emphatic, and I wanted to become more caring. A better listener. A great rewarding experience. I use the tools that I learned every day.

I believe Jesus is Lord, and God raised Him from the dead, and if you believe this, then you are saved. You have your salvation. Baptism is not a requirement for salvation because of the example of the thief on the cross. I think works come from your belief, and you want to help others. I believe the more works you do, and the less sin you commit, the closer you get to God. The Holy Spirit is increased in you, and it is how you get closer to God. If you do not do works and you sin, then you lose the strength of the Holy Spirit, and God’s presence in you is reduced. I have moved up and down on the Holy Spirit scale. I love God. I am saved, and I am excited about my faith.