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Category: mywriting blog

Family

Family
 
Do you enjoy
Your family
Or is it a ploy
Or an anomaly
 
A ploy to get money
A ploy to get affection
A ploy to be funny
A ploy for connection
 
A connection to what
A connection to who
A connection in my gut
A connection made of glue
 
Join us together
Fasten us to each other
A common tether
Mother or brother
 
Is this common
Is this normal
Is this unusual
Is this irregular
 
No it is not
For many to live
Relatives not forgot
Families to thrive
 
What is the common thread
Families to proceed
Is it the homestead
Or blood of a family creed
 
A creed to love
A creed to support
A creed to encourage
A creed to equally share
 
Generation to generation
Forgive one another
Give for the duration
Smother and smother
 
Smother with love
Smother with kindness
Smother with resources
Smother with mercy
 
Mercy is the hardest
When we feel wronged
But we can harness
By remembering we belonged
 
Belonged to a family line
Belonged to a congregation
Belonged to the vine
Belonged to a narration
 
A narration to work together
A narration to read
A narration to learn
A narration to believe
 
Believe in God
Believe in kin
Believe all are flawed
Believe we all sin
 
Sin is there
Every single day
Repent with prayer
Believe and pray
 
God is first
Family second
Our nation third
And there is no fourth
 
Align on one
Read the one
Learn the one
Worship the one
 
Forgive those in two
Love those in two
Show mercy to those in two
Share with those in two
 
Honor those in three
Respect those in three
Support those in three
Affirm those in three
 
Teach yours these
Time and time again
These are the keys
Our family will remain

Happy Birthday Again



Birthday Again
 
I have another birthday
One more year
Let us downplay
And save the cheer
 
I have had many good ones
I plan to have many more
I have eaten cake in tons
I have blown out candles galore
 
What is one more celebration
We all celebrate them
Like the stars in the constellation
Routine and another ho hum
 
But what if I say
I am kidding
I want the display
I am admitting
 
Display the cake
Display the cards
Display the presents
Display the smiles
 
Five or Fifty
I want the recognition
Really cool and nifty
Bring on the magician and musician
 
I am happy everyone remembered
This special ceremonial occasion
Another numbered and rendered
Extending my life equation
 
I am delighted my loves are here
Kissing and hugging me
And I want to hear
Happy Birthday sung with glee

Tools to Help me Live

I have struggled for years, and I have searched for tools to help me live better. I want tools to help me learn what triggers my symptoms and how to reset the triggers as quickly as possible.

I have had ongoing issues for years, and no physical defects can be found beyond repaired damage to knee and hips along with blood clots. I have fallen backward; my neck hurts, my head hurts, my eyes get stressed, my head goes blank, my body wobbles, and many other little nuisances. No one has given me solutions to these issues except to drug me up and to make me into a zombie. I don’t particularly appreciate living this way. If anything, this lifestyle drives anxiety and depression, which activates, compounds, and exaggerated my issues.

The diagnosis of Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) opens new avenues to explore, including Cognitive behavior Theory and Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). I am exploring these two tools, and I am seeking counselors to help me learn these tools and to apply them to my life.

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is based on several core principles, including:

1. Psychological problems are based, in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking.

2. Psychological problems are based, in part, on learned patterns of unhelpful behavior.

3. People suffering from psychological problems can learn better ways of coping with them, thereby relieving their symptoms and becoming more effective in their lives.

https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral#

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Its main goals are to teach people how to live in the moment, develop healthy ways to cope with stress, regulate their emotions, and improve their relationships with others.

https://www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402#citation-1

The Linehan Institute Behavioral Tech. What Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? 2017.

I plan to write more about my journey, trying to understand these tools and how they are working to make my life better. I will add posts about other tools that I use to help, including breathing exercises, writing, exercising, and yoga—also, a post here and there about God and his provision for me. These tools and exercises do not compete with God. To me, they are the fruit of God’s existence.

I hope they may help you if you have sprouts of anxiety or depression.

Have any of you had any experiences with CBT or DBT? Did it help?

Amitriptyline

Amitriptyline

Wow! Amitriptyline has reduced my symptoms by 99 percent. Good news, but the bad news it has diminished my ability to write, read, and concentrate by 100 percent. I am sleeping ten hours per day, and I am drugged up 3 hours per day. What a trade-off. Do you accept very few if any symptoms with limited to no reading and writing, or do you accept symptoms all day every day, but you can read and write?

bunch of white oval medication tablets and white medication capsules

On Amitriptyline, I am not falling backward, losing words, closing my eyes, wobbling left to right, less edgy, or unable to think, concentrate, or execute. I am more tolerable with fewer outbursts of emotions—definitely pluses and minuses there. I appear normal, just slower. I am not able to read, write, or read and perform plans like simple instructions. I am sleeping for eight to ten hours until eight in the morning, and I am drugged up 2 to 3 hours. I am very slow, and I do not have as much energy. I have not walked since I took medicine. I have no desire to walk. On Amitriptyline, I am not me. I am someone else.

I stopped taking Amitriptyline to see what would happen three days ago. Today, I can read, write, and I read directions on how to set up an SUV Tent. I am sleeping six to eight hours getting up at six in the morning feeling alive and not drugged up. I want to walk, and I did walk this morning. I wrote three simple blogs about COVID-19, camping, and Amitriptyline. I am edgier but excited about life.  I am very enthusiastic about life. At the same time, all my symptoms have returned – falling backward, wobbling, neck hurting, closing eyes, overwhelmed, lost words, cannot express myself, and underattack at times where I can not think or concentrate. These attacks last a few minutes and go away. I am less able to control my filters and to contain myself. This is important to try to live with people and to be sociable.

I will have to decide. What kind of life do I want to live? What will be my quality of life? What type of relationships do I want to have since Amitirptyline makes a difference in my emotional temperament?

I am sharing this because I have realized that people go through so many things in their lives that you may never know or understand. How one drug can change your life for the better but make you into someone who you are not or who you may not want to be.

I want prayers to make the right decisions on how to pursue my life. My problems are not life-threatening or a death sentence—a considerable inconvenience to living life normally. Do I change my personality on the drug to eliminate my unusual symptoms or live the best I can with the symptoms and keep being me?

Leave me a prayer or give me some feedback.

Camping?

Camping? Really?

What can I do this fall with less contact with the outside world? One way to protect me from COVID-19 is camping. How about camping? I have not camped in a long time, and I wonder what it would be like to camp this fall. Has camping changed that much since I last camped 20 years ago?

I do not have any personal experience camping. My gut feeling is that it has not changed any in the past 20 years. I can do my usual research reading articles about it on the web, but does that capture the actual state of the camping world, especially with inexperienced campers. If it was just me, I could tough it out, and I would have a good time no matter what. You make your fun as you find it.

My camping trip will include an eight-year-old girl. Yes, an eight-year-old girl who has never been camping before. I do not know if she can handle all of the negative things that can happen on a camping trip. She might not be able to roll with the punches or go with the flow. How will she survive no internet or television?

I plan to share a list of negatives with my eight-year-old camping buddy, and here is my list.

  1. Bugs! Who wants to spend the night with bugs? A wasp flies by, and this eight-year-old ducks for cover. If she runs into a spider web, she screams bloody murder. I did too as a kid. I know these events will happen as they have on every camping trip before and after this trip. Do not forget mosquitoes. My only solution is bug spray.
  2. Rain! I do not want to be in the rain for any length of time. I am a fair-weather camper, just like a fair-weather sailor. If rain is in the forecast, then there will be no campout. If a storm blows up, I will go home or climb into my SUV Tent. I purchased an SUV Tent so we can jump into the back of the SUV to get away from nature – bugs, rain, heat, etc. Also, it is an excellent second tent or bedroom on a camping trip. The SUV Tent is one thing that has changed in the past 20 years, and I hope it is a game-changer. My fingers are crossed.
  3. Hot, humid weather! I plan to camp in the fall when the low temperatures at night will be in the low sixties. I do not want to be hot trying to sleep outside with an eight-year-old child, bugs, and the possibility of rain. Plan my trip when it will be cool at night is the best option.
  4. No television or wifi! I do not know if any kids can get through life without television or wifi. I know this eight-year-old is no exception to the rule. If I keep her busy hiking, kayaking, star watching, and storytelling, I think we can survive. She has an imagination, and she is curious, so I can tap those two things to get past no television or wifi. I think this is a huge positive for the camping trip.

I am listing one positive to counter the negatives. Get out of the house! I can not explain, or do I have to explain how horrible just sitting in the house during the COVID-19 virus pandemic? Everyone gets edgy, but an eight-year-old with plenty of energy is the edgiest of all. We can ride bicycles and play in and out and around the house only so much. She needs an outlet. She needs to roam. The trip to the beach did her wonders. I hope a trip to the great outdoors will be unique and fun and give her a boost.

I am sure everything will not go perfectly, but it is part of the journey. I hope my eight-year-old camping buddy sees it the same way. If it goes well, we can go camping some more, and if it goes wrong, we will never go camping again.

What negative experiences have you had camping? What do you consider the great positives of camping? Do you have any great tips for my camping trip this fall?