Time spent
Time lost
Time went
Time tossed
She was the one
I could love
She was the sun
I write of
Beautiful
Funny
Intelligent
Nurturing
Just as in a day
The sun sets
Everything turns gray
Blackness forgets
The warmth
The laughs
The smiles
The togetherness
You lose your way
You forget the daylight
You wander astray
You take flight
Fly away
Hide away
Stay away
Run away
Less stress
To run and hide
Less mess
Easier on my pride
I am not wrong
I am not mistaken
I am not amiss
I am not wrongheaded
I was slighted
I was insulted
I was uninvited
I was not consulted
Was it necessary
Was it essential
Was it contrary
Was it sequential
No
Not at all
To go toe to toe
And to hit a wall
Now in darkness
Stumbling about
Nothing but starkness
No way out
I am alone
With my thoughts
And a slight moan
My stomach in knots
I will wander
Seeking reality
I will ponder
What is the key
The key to fellowship
The key to friendship
The key to relationship
The key to life
Almost complete
Running out of time
Cannot cheat
Not in my prime
Stumble along
While everyone is asleep
Try to be strong
Do not weep
Understand
After every night
Sun comes to the land
So struggle and fight
Say hello
Wear a smile
Do not judge others
Just love and accept
When Do You Live
I do not know
When you live
You must tiptoe
The issue to survive
Survive abuse
Survive intolerance
Survive hatred
Survive injustice
Kill a baby
Whenever you want
Alive maybe
All so nonchalant
Womans rights are first
No exceptions
What can be worse
Than ignorant misconceptions
When does life begin
Christians believe at conception
Science has many spins
And fixed perceptions
Is life when DNA completes at 3 days
Is life when the heart beats at 24 days
Is life when brain waves are recorded at 43 days
Is life when a baby can live outside the womb at 140 days
Or is life when a woman decides
I can abort my unique child
And the world ultimately divides
The world goes crazy wild
One side says control my life
Damn human life
One side says save every life
Precious human life
Who is responsible for human health
Is it each 3.8 billion women on the globe
Or is it the elected commonwealth
Or some unelected justice in a black robe
Every human being is responsible for these losses
You can not hide behind a lack of knowledge
You can not hide behind your crosses
You must reasonably acknowledge
At 20 weeks it can live outside the womb
Start here and make the laws the same
Bring everyone who cares in the room
And quit the shame and blame game
If you want to see what makes me tick then get my book. You may need to hang on because it is a trip. A trip of despair, anxiety, and depression. My book of poetry has a happy ending! For now!
My autobiography of poetry over the last fifty-eight years. Ha ha ha! I laugh too. I am a businessman who is retired, and he is trying to stay busy. I have no real talent at writing any type of writing except Quality Assurance Programs, Business Plans, Bible Study Notes, Business Price Quotes, Business Memos, Loan Requests, Consulting Reports, and all things business.
Uplifting Poems About the Death of a Loved One is a journey of my life, especially in the last five years. I have struggled through medical issues for these five years, including depression and anxiety. I am challenged with the belief that I have a disease that is not diagnosed, and I am going to die. True or not true, that is what I believe. He first book of poems works up to this obsession with death. The book of poems ends with hope.
Medical History last Five Years
History 2020
All symptoms, and if anything, they are worse. They vary based upon all kinds of factors.
One trip to Mayo Clinic, and nothing has changed except new symptoms. All they can tell me is to wait for it to manifest itself. There are no more tests and no more doctors. Thank the number one hospital in the world. Five visits are enough.
New Symptoms 2020
My brain locks up, and I can not talk. I know what I want to say, but it will not come out of my mouth. I am down 3 to 5 minutes, and then it comes out of me.
I cannot walk and do two things. If I am walking and I try to stir the soup or something on a plate or count something, then I fall left to the right, stop moving forward, and cannot talk. I can move backward then stop doing everything and reset. I can then walk forward.
History 2019
I quit going to doctors in 2019. After 48 doctors for so many things, I am sick of doctors, and I quit going after Mayo Clinic and Vanderbilt appointments at the first of the year. They used the exact same words – You need to wait for it to manifest itself. These issues persist:
Feet hurt, numb, and tingle
Hands hurt, numb and tingle
Neck hurts
Dizzy
Foggy
Forgetful
Slow
Shy away from bright lights
Falling backward or sideways
Unable to announce words, maybe stutter
I have quit chasing the cause of these, and I am just trying to live with them now. I have done an excellent job with reduced symptoms all of 2019 and in the months of August and September, especially. In those months, I had almost no symptoms at all.
I want to go on a new medicine which will cut the edge. I do not know if I have stress or anxiety. When I am off amitriptyline, I am more emotional. I rush to agitation, and frustration is quicker. The anger is not rage but similar without yelling and screaming. Well, George does not think this is a correct statement anymore. My friend and I talked about it being more adrenaline rushes. I am getting pumped up for something. I do not know what?
Jan to Dec– Everything occurs under many different combinations and circumstances
Feb – Joint Specialist
Jan – Blood Clots – hematologist – stay on the blood thinner
Jan -Vein Specialist – nothing to do with four blood clots. The leg will swell and hurt
History 2018
Mayo and Patterson Physical Therapy ( Beth Patterson and Cynthia Thomson) in Jackson, Tennessee, worked on these my knee, calf, and hip, and the majority of the pain have gone away. A combination of shoe orthotics, lost weight, exercise, yoga, and more expensive tennis shoes. I do not consider this a significant issue, just a nuisance.
I went to Mayo Clinic 4 times, and they eliminated all significant organs, diseases, etc. as possible candidates. They believe I have to wait for it to manifest itself into one block for a diagnosis. They took me off amitriptyline and put me on Lexapro – anxiety medicine, but that made my symptoms worse. I got off Lexapro. I went back on amitriptyline until Dec 2019.
I have seen 15 doctors over the past few years for a variety of issues, and I am trying to eliminate problems to find the root cause so I can feel better. All of these sometimes happen all the time, and sometimes one or two at a time. But it is something every day.
Knee hurts
Hip Hurts
Calf Hurts
Feet hurt, numb, and tingle
Hands hurt, numb and tingle
Neck hurts
Dizzy, foggy, forgetful, slow, overwhelmed in crowds, shy away from bright lights
Right foot swells
Right leg knee down swells
History 2017
Jan to June – Everything occurs under many different combinations and circumstances
July – A blood clot in the right leg. Leg stayed swollen for five months
Oct – Lost breath climbing stairs for two weeks went away
Nov – diagnosed Factor 5 … gene disorder causes blood to clot
Dec – MRI to recheck neck and spine – can not find out why lost use of right arm from the elbow down fishing
2016 – Continue to have knee and hip pain but all new issues too
Jan – MS Specialist Vanderbilt – not MS go to a neurologist
Feb – Neurologist Vanderbilt – MRI’s neck brain and spine show no damage or suspensions
Feb to Dec – Everything occurs under many different combinations and circumstances
History 2015
Knee and hip continue to hurt all year
Sept – I felt like I had a heart attack on a Saturday, but it went away after 1 hour. I did not go to the doctor. Thought it was vertigo.
Dec – Neurologist – neuropathy in hands and feet.
Sept to Dec – New issues of hand, feet, and neck pain. Dizziness, falling backward sensation, overwhelming in crowds, fuzzy, hazy
Jackson Doctor sends me to Vanderbilt
History 2014
Two Hip Surgeries – I slipped on ice in Jan, and one surgery to sew it up. The second surgery to replace it.
Blood Clot – I had a blood clot after hip replacement
History 2013
Knee replacement. I had a hard time bending it, and it had to be manipulated once. I finally got it to bend and was getting stronger
Pre – 2013
Three knee surgeries, shoulder surgery, ankle surgery
I have always had problems with my right knee since the age of 15.
