Mans Best Friend
You can never love
An animal as much as a dog
They fit as a glove
In lifes dialogue
Koa
Bear
Keeper
Sally Sue
Marvelous sidekicks
A family member
Pure or mix
I will remember
Koa on the sailboat
Or protecting you from a snake
A thick coarse coat
His death was a heartbreak
Bear a friendly Carin
My first dog as my own
A lord or baron
I was never alone
Keeper was extraordinary
She was a true friend
Always merry
Until the end
Sally Sue was the best
So gentle and kind
Welcoming me as a guest
Our time together was fine
She sailed
And we walked
Even as our health failed
Our love was locked
A companion for the ages
Accompanying me through life
I could write pages
She was like an oldwife
Persistent as my assistant
So loving and caring
She was so consistent
And reassuring
Life moved on
In a regular routine
A beautiful liaison
She was a queen
I will miss her
And her beauty
Life will be a blur
Without any duty
Walking
Feeding
Swimming
Chasing
A wonderful responsibility
To take care of her
In her final disability
We could not deter
Life ends for us all
Sooner or later
We all fall
To death the dictator
Not giving us a choice
Or remedies
Taking our voice
Leaving just memories
Oligarchy
A Republic
A Democracy
An Oligarchy
An Aristocracy
What are we
Who runs us
Are we free
What is the fuss
I can tell you
A government ran by a few
We should be bitter and blue
But who understood and knew
We live our lives
Enjoying it all
And our kids and wives
As long as we play ball
Everything is fine
Until you ask real questions
And lights will shine
On the underlying tensions
Small groups control
Our economy and government
Remember the grassy knoll
And all the other uppercuts
These groups are self seeking
And they are underhanded
Lying when they are speaking
Stealing all they have demanded
This is the rule of the elite
The rule of the nobility
The rule of cronyism
And the rule of nepotism
A leadership class rules
Stealing everything
Thinking we are fools
Accepting their sting
Sting of war
Sting of economic disaster
Sting of epidemic
Sting of climate crisis
The same people rule our country
And is it better or worse
Neither are we hungry
Nor are resources scarce
But for many they are both
There are riots in the streets
Crime and murder that we loath
Brough to you by the cheats
Mark my words
It is too late
They will reduce us by thirds
And that is our fate
Slave
I am a slave
To my thoughts
Stuffed in a cave
I had my shots
Stuck here
Wasting away
Not a seer
Wishing to stray
I stayed for a girl
And her daughter
We had a twirl
Not living water
I stayed for my mother
Who is her golden years
Illnesses one after another
Outliving her peers
I stayed for my health
I fight craziness
No problems with wealth
Persistent haziness
A new phenomenon
Snuck up on me
A black swan
A dead sea
I can not inhale
I can not exercise
I can not exhale
I can not energize
Doctors do not know
What is the matter
Go with the flow
Endless chatter
Stuck in this place
Waiting it out
My time and space
I have doubt
Doubt of today
Doubt of relationship
Doubt of future
Doubt of fraternity
A slave to my existence
Waiting for it to end
I am leading the residence
Nothing to pretend
My relationship is over
My health is questionable
My mother will die
My life is debatable
Pretend I might
Fight I must
Chase the light
All in or bust
Fix what is wrong
Seek the solutions
Remain strong
Proclaim resolutions
Resolution to try
Resolutions to strive
Resolution to fly
Resolution to live
Might change your expectations
Might change your attitude
Might rearrange your foundation
Might rearrange your fortitude
It is not finished
It never will be
It is not diminished
It is what you see
See the good
See the opportunities
See your livelihood
See your communities
There is a view
For you to move ahead
It is up to you
You are not dead
Feel
What does a baby feel
In the womb or newborn
Joy and pain are real
The debate is torn
Torn between alive or what
A newborn is alive
There is no but
It can live and strive
What about a fetus
In the womb
Do you have a treatise
Or do you leave the room
No regard for science
It is living
Against your defiance
Answers are missingWhen does the heartbeat
Not months but weeks
Six weeks like a drumbeat
The heart speaks
When the heart stops
We are declared dead
The blood flow drops
And life has fled
If you are born
You are alive with heartbeats
But not if you are unborn
Who cares if it repeats
Then comes your nervous process
Developing soon after the heart starts
Reflexes begin to progress
And pain is its counterpart
Yes pain is present
In the womb
Many will dissent
But it is not your gloom or doom
Babies move away from the intruder
Babies shrink from the abortions tools
Babies jerk from the pursuer
Babies not understanding the rules
How about brain waves
The fetus starts around forty days
We are on our way to our graves
If our brains are not ablaze
What is life
A heartbeat
A nervous system
A brain wave
I want all three
Many will disagree
But they are free
To argue with me
Functional Neurological Disorder or Conversion Disorder
I have battled a health issue for six years with no diagnosis, just endless symptoms, and doctor visits. The symptoms are debilitating, but the worse part is they come and go like the wind. One minute I feel good and the next minute I feel awful. One-minute functioning and the next minute dysfunctioning. I minute normal and the next abnormal.
The doctor visits were intense. I saw over 45 doctors in the past six years. The doctors would talk to you and do all types of tests – brain tests, MRI’s, MRA”s inner ear tests, heart, lungs, knee and hip specialist, blood clot specialist, blood pressure, toxicology, EEG’s, EMG’s, anxiety exams, depression exams, etc. The doctors were from the best medical centers in the world – Mayo Clinic and Vanderbilt. They did not find anything wrong with me except anxiety and depression. All you need is a pill, and you will be better. The best line from the doctors was just wait until it manifests itself. Really, I am trying to live!
Of course, I am going to be anxious and depressed. Duh! I am falling backwards thousands of times and bless the Lord that I have hit the ground only ten times. I lose words, and I can not say what is on my mind. The sunlight shuts me down, making me retreat into myself. I close my eyes, and I cannot function. I fall left to right wobbling. These are daily occurrences. There are so many other symptoms that happen sporadically. I find it amusing the funny situations that I have experienced in the past six years.
For two years, the only disease that was close to my symptoms was Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP). This is an undiagnosed disease that eats away at you until you die. No one says you have it until the end when you cannot walk, talk, or eat. They autopsy you to see your tau proteins bunched up on your brain. Yes, you had PSP. Wow! How nice! My adamant supporter, Smart Girl did not think I had it because I was not getting weaker physically, and I did not have a Parkinsonian look, which is present in PSP. When this is the only disease that fits all your symptoms, it is hard not to latch on to this disease. Gosh, I want to put a name to it. I want to know what is wrong with me. I want to be in control. Control of what? PSP is a killer. PSP is an ugly death. PSP is not merciful. PSP is painful. PSP is torture.
Last week (June 2020), my adamant supporter or I call her Smart Girl located Functional Neurological Disorder. What is that? I have never heard of that disorder. I do not remember any doctor, including many neurologists, mention it to me. They never even suggested it was a possibility.
What is Functional Neurological Disorder?
Functional neurological disorder (FND) is a medical condition in which there is a problem with the functioning of the nervous system and how the brain and body sends and/or receives signals, rather than a structural disease process such as multiple sclerosis or stroke.
FND patients can experience a wide range and combination of symptoms that are physical, sensory and/or cognitive. The most common include:
Motor dysfunction • Functional limb weakness/paralysis • Functional movement disorders; including tremor, spasms (dystonia), jerky movements (myoclonus) and problems walking (gait disorder) • Functional speech symptoms; including whispering speech (dysphonia), slurred or stuttering speech
Sensory dysfunction • Functional sensory disturbance includes altered sensation; e.g. numbness, tingling or pain in the face, torso or limbs. This often occurs on one side of the body • Functional visual symptoms; including loss of vision or double vision
Episodes of altered awareness • Dissociative (non-epileptic) seizures, blackouts and faints: these symptoms can overlap and can look like epileptic seizures or faints (syncope)
Symptoms often fluctuate and may vary from day to day or be present all the time. Some patients with FND may experience substantial or even complete remission followed by sudden relapses of symptoms.
Other physical and psychological symptoms are commonly experienced by patients with FND but may not be present. These include: chronic pains, fatigue, sleep problems, memory symptoms, bowel and bladder symptoms, anxiety and depression.
Yes, I have many of those symptoms, and they come and go. Is this a real disorder or just a junk drawer for people who are messed up, but there is no diagnosis for me yet? I do not care. I rather think I have FND (live) versus PSP (die).
Is there a treatment?
Yes, I have new doctors to see and new treatments to try – CBT and ACT. I must be more self-aware of what triggers my symptoms. I must learn techniques to reset myself once symptoms start. My favorite is when I cannot pronounce words or get them out of my mouth then sing a song. I sing “Everyday with Jesus,” and then I can pronounce the word or get it out of my mouth. How wonderful is that! In one week, we have found one reset. How exciting. Now, I am looking for triggers to stop symptoms before they happen and for reset techniques to get me back to normal as soon as possible.
Praise
I praise God for the blessing in my life. In the past two weeks, God put Smart Girl in my life. She found this disorder, she made me aware of the disorder, and she helped me with the first symptom reset. Two, the Lord gave me hope and endurance. The Lord gave me the will to enjoy each day and to live. Thank you, God!
