Functional Neurological Disorder or Conversion Disorder
I have battled a health issue for six years with no diagnosis, just endless symptoms, and doctor visits. The symptoms are debilitating, but the worse part is they come and go like the wind. One minute I feel good and the next minute I feel awful. One-minute functioning and the next minute dysfunctioning. I minute normal and the next abnormal.
The doctor visits were intense. I saw over 45 doctors in the past six years. The doctors would talk to you and do all types of tests – brain tests, MRI’s, MRA”s inner ear tests, heart, lungs, knee and hip specialist, blood clot specialist, blood pressure, toxicology, EEG’s, EMG’s, anxiety exams, depression exams, etc. The doctors were from the best medical centers in the world – Mayo Clinic and Vanderbilt. They did not find anything wrong with me except anxiety and depression. All you need is a pill, and you will be better. The best line from the doctors was just wait until it manifests itself. Really, I am trying to live!
Of course, I am going to be anxious and depressed. Duh! I am falling backwards thousands of times and bless the Lord that I have hit the ground only ten times. I lose words, and I can not say what is on my mind. The sunlight shuts me down, making me retreat into myself. I close my eyes, and I cannot function. I fall left to right wobbling. These are daily occurrences. There are so many other symptoms that happen sporadically. I find it amusing the funny situations that I have experienced in the past six years.
For two years, the only disease that was close to my symptoms was Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP). This is an undiagnosed disease that eats away at you until you die. No one says you have it until the end when you cannot walk, talk, or eat. They autopsy you to see your tau proteins bunched up on your brain. Yes, you had PSP. Wow! How nice! My adamant supporter, Smart Girl did not think I had it because I was not getting weaker physically, and I did not have a Parkinsonian look, which is present in PSP. When this is the only disease that fits all your symptoms, it is hard not to latch on to this disease. Gosh, I want to put a name to it. I want to know what is wrong with me. I want to be in control. Control of what? PSP is a killer. PSP is an ugly death. PSP is not merciful. PSP is painful. PSP is torture.
Last week (June 2020), my adamant supporter or I call her Smart Girl located Functional Neurological Disorder. What is that? I have never heard of that disorder. I do not remember any doctor, including many neurologists, mention it to me. They never even suggested it was a possibility.
What is Functional Neurological Disorder?
Functional neurological disorder (FND) is a medical condition in which there is a problem with the functioning of the nervous system and how the brain and body sends and/or receives signals, rather than a structural disease process such as multiple sclerosis or stroke.
What are the symptoms?
FND patients can experience a wide range and combination of symptoms that are physical, sensory and/or cognitive. The most common include:
Motor dysfunction • Functional limb weakness/paralysis • Functional movement disorders; including tremor, spasms (dystonia), jerky movements (myoclonus) and problems walking (gait disorder) • Functional speech symptoms; including whispering speech (dysphonia), slurred or stuttering speech
Sensory dysfunction • Functional sensory disturbance includes altered sensation; e.g. numbness, tingling or pain in the face, torso or limbs. This often occurs on one side of the body • Functional visual symptoms; including loss of vision or double vision
Episodes of altered awareness • Dissociative (non-epileptic) seizures, blackouts and faints: these symptoms can overlap and can look like epileptic seizures or faints (syncope)
Symptoms often fluctuate and may vary from day to day or be present all the time. Some patients with FND may experience substantial or even complete remission followed by sudden relapses of symptoms.
Other physical and psychological symptoms are commonly experienced by patients with FND but may not be present. These include: chronic pains, fatigue, sleep problems, memory symptoms, bowel and bladder symptoms, anxiety and depression.
Yes, I have many of those symptoms, and they come and go. Is this a real disorder or just a junk drawer for people who are messed up, but there is no diagnosis for me yet? I do not care. I rather think I have FND (live) versus PSP (die).
Is there a treatment?
Yes, I have new doctors to see and new treatments to try – CBT and ACT. I must be more self-aware of what triggers my symptoms. I must learn techniques to reset myself once symptoms start. My favorite is when I cannot pronounce words or get them out of my mouth then sing a song. I sing “Everyday with Jesus,” and then I can pronounce the word or get it out of my mouth. How wonderful is that! In one week, we have found one reset. How exciting. Now, I am looking for triggers to stop symptoms before they happen and for reset techniques to get me back to normal as soon as possible.
Praise
I praise God for the blessing in my life. In the past two weeks, God put Smart Girl in my life. She found this disorder, she made me aware of the disorder, and she helped me with the first symptom reset. Two, the Lord gave me hope and endurance. The Lord gave me the will to enjoy each day and to live. Thank you, God!
Children of Man
Who is this man
Mortals of man
Mankind of man
People of man
Who is he
Who is she
Who is thee
Who is me
But children
Made in Gods image
And we are many million
In lifes scrimmage
People of color
People of race
People of religion
People of haste
Haste to blame one another
Haste to accuse one another
Haste to hate one another
Haste to destroy one another
Do we understand
Do we care
Do we walk hand in hand
Do we stand there
Stand there in dogma
Stand there in fairness
Stand there in belief
Stand there in bareness
Naked to face God
To seek His forgiveness
Knowing I am flawed
My sin of impulsiveness
Rushing about
Wanting it all
Waiting for a give out
Not waiting for the call
The call to accept
There is more to living
But I just slept
Instead of forgiving
Forgiving my self
Forgiving my family
Forgiving my friends
Forgiving my humanity
Is it too late
To be embraced
To enter the gate
And to taste
Taste the love
Taste the goodness
Taste the mercy
Taste the assurance
No it has not past
The final chance
So be quite fast
To enter the dance
Dance with Jesus
Dance with God
Dance with the Holy Spirit
Dance with Christs bride
The Bride of Christ
Gather in Christ
Body of Christ
The church is Christ
The church is your family
The church is your base
The church is no anomaly
The church is your place
Grow in the church
Disciple in the church
Serve in the church
Reconcile in the church
Not always pretty
Not always nice
What a pity
Take my advice
Better there
Then anywhere
A house of prayer
Jesus is near
Near to our hearts
Near to our thoughts
Near to our hurts
Near to our faults
Accept His presence
Accept His gift
Accept His peace
Accept His love
Notes
Proverbs 8:4 New International Version (NIV)
4 “To you, O people, I call out;
I raise my voice to all mankind.
Proverbs 8:31 New International Version (NIV)
31 rejoicing in his whole world
and delighting in mankind.
Proverbs 15:11 New International Version (NIV)
11 Death and Destruction[a] lie open before the Lord—
how much more do human hearts!
Psalm 11:4 New International Version (NIV)
4 The Lord is in his holy temple;
the Lord is on his heavenly throne.
He observes everyone on earth;
his eyes examine them.
Psalm 12:8 New International Version (NIV)
8 who freely strut about
when what is vile is honored by the human race.
Psalm 14:2 New International Version (NIV)
2 The Lord looks down from heaven
on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand,
any who seek God.
Psalm 21:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 You will destroy their descendants from the earth,
their posterity from mankind.
Psalm 33:13 New International Version (NIV)
13 From heaven the Lord looks down
and sees all mankind;
Psalm 53:2 New International Version (NIV)
2 God looks down from heaven
on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand,
any who seek God.
Psalm 57:4 New International Version (NIV)
4 I am in the midst of lions;
I am forced to dwell among ravenous beasts—
men whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.
Psalm 58[a]For the director of music. To the tune of “Do Not Destroy.” Of David. A miktam.[b]1 Do you rulers indeed speak justly?
Do you judge people with equity?
Psalm 66:5 New International Version (NIV)
5 Come and see what God has done,
his awesome deeds for mankind!
Psalm 89:47 New International Version (NIV)
47 Remember how fleeting is my life.
For what futility you have created all humanity!
Psalm 90:3 New International Version (NIV)
3 You turn people back to dust,
saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”
Psalm 107:8 (4 times in Psalm 107) New International Version (NIV)
8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
Psalm 115:16 New International Version (NIV)
16 The highest heavens belong to the Lord,
but the earth he has given to mankind.
Psalm 145:12 New International Version (NIV)
12 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Ecclesiastes 1:13 New International Version (NIV)
13 I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind!
Ecclesiastes 2:3 New International Version (NIV)
3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was good for people to do under the heavens during the few days of their lives.
Ecclesiastes 3:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.
Ecclesiastes 3:18 New International Version (NIV)
18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.
Ecclesiastes 3:19 New International Version (NIV)
19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[a]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless.
Ecclesiastes 8:11 New International Version (NIV)
11 When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong.
Ecclesiastes 9:3 New International Version (NIV)
3 This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead.
Ecclesiastes 9:12 New International Version (NIV)
12 Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come:
As fish are caught in a cruel net,
or birds are taken in a snare,
so people are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them.
Jeremiah 32:19 New International Version (NIV)
19 great are your purposes and mighty are your deeds. Your eyes are open to the ways of all mankind; you reward each person according to their conduct and as their deeds deserve.
Ezekiel 31:14 New International Version (NIV)
14 Therefore no other trees by the waters are ever to tower proudly on high, lifting their tops above the thick foliage. No other trees so well-watered are ever to reach such a height; they are all destined for death, for the earth below, among mortals who go down to the realm of the dead.
Daniel 2:38 New International Version (NIV)
38 in your hands he has placed all mankind and the beasts of the field and the birds in the sky. Wherever they live, he has made you ruler over them all. You are that head of gold.
Daniel 10:16 New International Version (NIV)
16 Then one who looked like a man[a] touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak.
Joel 1:12 New International Version (NIV)
12 The vine is dried up
and the fig tree is withered;
the pomegranate, the palm and the apple[a] tree—
all the trees of the field—are dried up.
Surely the people’s joy
is withered away.
Micah 5:7 New International Version (NIV)
7 The remnant of Jacob will be
in the midst of many peoples
like dew from the Lord,
like showers on the grass,
which do not wait for anyone
or depend on man.
Mark 3:28 New International Version (NIV)
28 Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter,
Marriage
You must believe
To care for the truth
And perceive
God from our youth
The Bible is true
The Bible is correct
The Bible is glue
The Bible is perfect
If you do not believe in God
Or in the truth of the Bible
This poem is a wad
Of foolish trifle
So stop here
Do not read another verse
You will not hear
The truth of the universe
To be unyoked
To ugly darkness
You will be provoked
By its starkness
But not by Gods light
Which shines on us all
Bright as Gods image
We do get the call
To share in Gods plan
Told in the Bibles first book
Genesis is where it began
Let us take a look
Man should not be alone
No helper found fit
God made women almost a clone
One flesh closely knit
God made an equal member
Two is better than one
Let us remember
Ecclesiastes is how it is spun
Gods plan is guy and gal
And he did not want us by ourselves
And they say we shall
Put all emotions on the shelf
On the shelf of love
On the shelf of encouragement
On the shelf of self sacrifice
On the shelf of commitment
God knew the world was fallen
And the world was hard
Most would fall in
You need to stand guard
Horrible things occur
To Gods creation
We must concur
It does not fit Gods narration
A narration of obedience
A narration of contentment
A narration of joy
A narration of peace
Why can we not stand up
To the evil in the world
The devils evil cup
As the devils world whirls
Whirls around us
Challenging our loyalties
Creating lots of fuss
Stealing our royalties
Royalties of forgiveness
Royalties of life
Royalties of heaven
Royalties of God
To challenge the evil miscarriages
God gave us each other
Man and female in marriages
Christians as a sister and a brother
A sister and brother
A brother and brother
A sister and sister
A brother and sister
To protect one another
To encourage one another
To carry one another
To help one another
In this fallen place
It is a mighty wonder
There is Gods grace
We can fall under
We sin immensely
In many ways
Most intensely
Setting God ablaze
Same sex marriage, divorce
Lies, gossip, small talk
Which ones to enforce
It is all a crock
They are all sin
Hated by God
We cannot win
We are all frauds
God knew
God gave us a rope
God came through
God gave us hope
We are not done
God sent Jesus to die
He sent his son
To ransom and buy
Our sinful mouths
Our sinful eyes
Our sinful trespasses
Our sinful lives
Just believe
Jesus is Lord
God rose Jesus
From the dead
It is not tough
Just repent
Call the devils bluff
A life changing event
A new journey
A new body
A new understanding
A new standing
Not easy
Never is
Can get sleazy
Do not fizz
You have made it
To Gods mysteries
You do not need your wit
Just Holy Spirit victories
Victories in choices
Victories in prayer
Victories in service
Victories in churches
Celebrate today
A new life view
This is the way
For me and you
Notes:
Belief
Acts:22-31 English Standard Version (ESV)
Paul Addresses the Areopagus 22 So Paul, standing in the midst of the Areopagus, said: “Men of Athens, I perceive that in every way you are very religious. 23 For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription: ‘To the unknown god.’ What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. 24 The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man,[a] 25 nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. 26 And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, 27 that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, 28 for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’;[b] as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring.’[c] 29 Being then God's offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man. 30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, 31 because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.”
2 Peter 1:20-21 English Standard Version (ESV)
20 knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone's own interpretation. 21 For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.
Unyoked
2 Corinthians 6:14 English Standard Version (ESV)
The Temple of the Living God 14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
God’s Image
Genesis 1:26-27 English Standard Version (ESV)
26 Then God said, “Let us make man[a] in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
God’s Plan
Genesis 2:18-24 English Standard Version (ESV)
18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for[a] him.” 19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed[b] every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam[c] there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made[d] into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”[e]
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Why two is better than one
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 English Standard Version (ESV)
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Romans 15:1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Hebrews 13:1-2 Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.
Romans 12:5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
Corinthians 12:14 Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part.
Corinthians 12:20-21 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”
Warnings for being alone
Proverbs 18:1 English Standard Version (ESV)
18 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
Psalm 72:12 English Standard Version (ESV)
12 For he delivers the needy when he calls,
the poor and him who has no helper.
1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
Genesis 4:7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.
Romans 7:21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
1 Thessalonians 5:14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
Single is possible under the right conditions
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 English Standard Version (ESV)
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Marriage
Ephesians 5:22-33 English Standard Version (ESV)
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Why does marriages fail?
Sin and pride in this world
Are divorces what God wants?
Hebrews 13:4 English Standard Version (ESV)
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Mark 10 English Standard Version (ESV)
Teaching About Divorce
Mark 10:1-10 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.
2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,[a] 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Do Black Lives Matter
Who really cares
About another black death
Why do we need to split hairs
Killing many baby’s breath
19 million blacks aborted since it began
Now a black population of 44 million
So many women and men
So many United States citizens
30 percent of the black population aborted
More deaths for blacks than any other cause
And these numbers are congressionally reported
All of you must take a pause
Do we realize the injustice
Do we realize the crime
Do we realize the horror
Do we realize the sin
These deaths do matter
The injustice needs not to be repeated
There needs to be chatter
Abortion needs to be defeated
Why do we let it stand
Just an unjust operation
All these murders planned
Poor leadership in the nation
Who kills its own babies
Who destroys these lives
Who ruins our families
Who decimates a race and lies
Misguided people like Sangers
Misguided women oppressed for generations
Misguided individuals with little hope
Misguided politicians pandering to whom
We do not need to blame
We need to save lives
We do not need to name
We must start drives
Drives to make human life valuable
Drives to change the laws
Drives to make damnable
Drives to fight for a cause
Almost 1000 black lives per day
Lost to abortion
We need to earnestly pray
And priorities need apportion
Stop abortions now
Riot to stop abortions now
Stop the abortion murders now
Honor human life without abortions now
I am sorry we lose black men to police
I am sorry for this unnecessary evil
I am a Christian who loves peace
I am for a revival or upheaval
Every human life is treasured
Lord God made each one of us
Our lives are truly measured
God wants us to make a fuss
Save his image bearers
Save his precious children
Save his majesty and glory
Save every black life
Black lives do matter
Blacks are made in Gods image
Blacks are precious in Gods eyes
Blacks deserve much much better
If you want to
Riot over the evil of abortion
Cherish each life
Fight for all human life and dignity
This is the main issue
What are humans worth
Every single man women and child
Priceless from conception to eternity
If you want to see what makes me tick then get my book. You may need to hang on because it is a trip. A trip of despair, anxiety, and depression. My book of poetry has a happy ending! For now!