Sailing the Lee I have sailed Along the lee shore Sometimes jailed A situation not to ignore I cannot escape The wind pushing me hard Unable to make my sail shape Act quick or my boat scarred Wrecked upon the rocks Wrecked upon the reef Wrecked upon the shoal Wrecked upon the beach Why keep the boat Why not swim away Why not jump and float Why not go your way I hate to leave my vessel A good looking ship Easy to sail and wrestle Wrestle and ride on a trip Or wasting my life Hoping to reach or tack To a safe point with no strife With wind to my back But where is the fun Where is the excitement A blast compared to none Enticement and incitement Close hauled along the edge Water breaking over the bow I have not hedged or pledged To give up and quit now Flying through the water The boat lifted high There is a breakwater Safety is nearby But why oh why Do I reduce sail Or tack and glide by Using the gale I will miss the challenge I will miss my love I will miss the satisfaction I will miss the gratification There is nothing like her There is nothing to compare There are emotions to stir There are moments to share I plan to sail on Catching the wind Until the emotion is gone Or just left behind Behind in the docks Or on its trailer Or sitting on blocks Missing its sailor
Category: Love
Happy Birthday Again
Birthday Again I have another birthday One more year Let us downplay And save the cheer I have had many good ones I plan to have many more I have eaten cake in tons I have blown out candles galore What is one more celebration We all celebrate them Like the stars in the constellation Routine and another ho hum But what if I say I am kidding I want the display I am admitting Display the cake Display the cards Display the presents Display the smiles Five or Fifty I want the recognition Really cool and nifty Bring on the magician and musician I am happy everyone remembered This special ceremonial occasion Another numbered and rendered Extending my life equation I am delighted my loves are here Kissing and hugging me And I want to hear Happy Birthday sung with glee
Tools to Help me Live
I have struggled for years, and I have searched for tools to help me live better. I want tools to help me learn what triggers my symptoms and how to reset the triggers as quickly as possible.
I have had ongoing issues for years, and no physical defects can be found beyond repaired damage to knee and hips along with blood clots. I have fallen backward; my neck hurts, my head hurts, my eyes get stressed, my head goes blank, my body wobbles, and many other little nuisances. No one has given me solutions to these issues except to drug me up and to make me into a zombie. I don’t particularly appreciate living this way. If anything, this lifestyle drives anxiety and depression, which activates, compounds, and exaggerated my issues.
The diagnosis of Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) opens new avenues to explore, including Cognitive behavior Theory and Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). I am exploring these two tools, and I am seeking counselors to help me learn these tools and to apply them to my life.
Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is based on several core principles, including:
1. Psychological problems are based, in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking.
2. Psychological problems are based, in part, on learned patterns of unhelpful behavior.
3. People suffering from psychological problems can learn better ways of coping with them, thereby relieving their symptoms and becoming more effective in their lives.
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral#
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Its main goals are to teach people how to live in the moment, develop healthy ways to cope with stress, regulate their emotions, and improve their relationships with others.
https://www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402#citation-1
The Linehan Institute Behavioral Tech. What Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? 2017.
I plan to write more about my journey, trying to understand these tools and how they are working to make my life better. I will add posts about other tools that I use to help, including breathing exercises, writing, exercising, and yoga—also, a post here and there about God and his provision for me. These tools and exercises do not compete with God. To me, they are the fruit of God’s existence.
I hope they may help you if you have sprouts of anxiety or depression.
Have any of you had any experiences with CBT or DBT? Did it help?
Adore
Adore What is adore How do we get there Not a story of lore But let me share Starts as a nightingale A crush on a caregiver A common tale To someone who can deliver Smart Girl worked hard To analyze me Another patient on her dance card She is my significant key She found I walk funny She sent me to a specialist She was so sunny She was excellent I found her smart I found her pretty I found her a piece of art I found her witty Yes they fixed my pain My leg quit hurting Adverting the ball and chain Now my interest was flirting I asked her out Once or twice A difficult route But worth the price Took weeks and weeks To win her over Through valleys and peaks She was a rover A single mother She has medical challenges No men and does not want another Just wants to keep her life in balance I was not deterred I was smitten I was stirred I needed to fit in I met her needs Little acts of kindness Many small deeds Growing our fondness We talked and talked We played and played We shared and shared We gave and gave Life took off We lived mightily Enjoying life from a trough We were a family We ate dinner together We walked the dog We attended school events We went on trips She improved my condition Reducing my stress Eliminating my strange emission Making my symptoms much less Our lives proceeded For a long period of time Warning signs were unheeded We had reached our prime She had to choose Old life or new Two different views Which one is true I did not help Wanting my way All ended in a yelp And a fray I was frustrated She was smothered All issues debated She was mothered She was safe She was secure She was loved She was dandy No reason to change No reason to move No reason to exchange No reason to improve Our lives deteriorated Too hard to maintain I was patient and waited Living through the strain Talk and talk Going to transform Waiting out the clock And get through the storm I needed her She nurtured me I wanted her She understood me But it was not to be Our love did not last We lost our glee Our lives were in the past No new memories No new adventures No new experiences No new experiments My heart was broken I was incredibly sad She had spoken Again a nomad On my own Living life Life alone No community strife Just circumstances Circumstances of anxiousness Circumstances of nervousness Circumstances of restiveness This went on for a while A routine of existence Peaceful in exile Not much resistance The text came For us to unite Back in the game Everything alright We had not changed Back to our truths Nothing rearranged Back to our youths Playing ball Going to pool Watching movies Holding hands We had missed some days We had not seen each other We had made it through the haze We had ended the pother Smart Girl found a disorder Sounding like my quirks Almost like a hoarder Of crazy weird works I was diagnosed with it How exciting and fresh But it fit I keep my pound of flesh No death sentence How grand Learn tools of repentance Tools to manage my land Land of coziness Land of familiarity Land of closeness Land of comradeliness Journey back to the word Adore worship admire Love esteem honor preferred My heart on fire Unexpectantly Our lives interrupted Our future and destiny Everything disrupted Disrupted our utopia Where do we go Entering dystopia We will not grow Back to the same place A prison of sorts Not our own space Our life distorts Too many chiefs Too many frustrations Too many rules Too many debates We are a couple It is up to us Not very supple Just more fuss Hard enough with one But two or three Along with intentional shun We will not be free I want to respect I want to admire I want to cherish I want to honor I want to get along I want to go with the flow I want to be strong I want to be in the show But it has to be her and me Our lives and decisions We must unify and agree To enjoy our visions I gave up hope Thinking it was done Walking the tightrope No life in the long run She had made her choice Months ago I heard her voice I was useless cargo I was expendable I was a throwaway I was undefendable I was a cliche Moody Crazy Unstable Wacky Yes it is correct I am not perfect Last time I checked But then she picked She picked love She picked romance She picked affection She picked one to kiss She likes our playfulness She likes our secureness She likes our tenderness She likes our togetherness Adore is here In all its glory Shout and hear Our great story We have fun And laugh We have joy And happiness Adore is a journey A road to travel A grand tourney Let us not unravel
People in Your Life
People in Your Life People come and go Part of our life And it is so Some through strife Harder for some To keep it together Always so dumb Bad or fair weather Prideful Arrogant Selfish Belligerent To name a few But more to ask for If you care to view Here are more Life circumstances Life traumas Life illnesses Life mysteries All kinds of reasons To be a jerk In all seasons To go berserk How you act Is how you are framed Try to use tact Or you get blamed You cannot hide For exceptionally long Sooner or later you slide You are not that strong To keep it at bay To keep it hidden To keep it suppressed To keep it smothered Useless effort Try to isolate To be better Is one trait Force others away So be by yourself No one to play Just pictures on the shelf A lonely crutch To protect your outbursts People are too much These are not unique firsts Social distancing Endless therapy Countless medicines Retreats and asylums Doctors galore Psychobabble What a bore Good for the rabble But the worse cases Must be dumbed down See it in their faces The emotionless frowns Pump them with drugs To make them acceptable No longer thugs Almost respectable They might be slow They might drool They might be lazy They might be dim But they are tamed They can be presented And beautifully framed Sat in the corner ornamented I do not want to be dampened I do not want to be unnoticed I do not want to be a simpleton I do not want to be devalued But to live in peace To live with immunity To live it must cease To live in unity Cease the anger Cease the explosion Cease the banter Cease the implosion Make a choice Or stay in a cave And listen to your own voice And be your own slave